The Foster Kid (GirlxGirl)

Chapter Twenty

~Dani~

Beca's chest rose and fell slowly, the warmth of her breath tickling my neck as I opened my eyes and looked down at the brunette in my arms. Her own arms were wrapped around my waist, and I probably could have pried them off without waking her, but I didn't want to. I wanted to lie in bed with her and enjoy it, because it'd been a while since I had felt such a wonderful feeling.

The fact that she trusted me enough to tell me something that I knew she didn't tell anyone, or at least very few people, could not possibly mean more to me. I'd wanted to know what happened to her parents since the second night she'd stayed in my apartment, but I didn't want to ask and make her uncomfortable. I knew what that was like all too well, and I did not want to bring those feelings upon anyone else. Her complete honesty was something I hadn't expected, and finding out she had had a sister was difficult because I could see how much of a toll her family's passing had taken on her.

When she kissed me last night, I was more than conflicted. I needed her to know how much I wanted to kiss her back, but I also needed her to know that her and I couldn't happen because I was too fucked up in the head. Honestly, I barely thought about the fact that she was my seventeen year old student anymore, which was arguably a bad thing, but nevertheless. I was more focused on the fact that I couldn't be the person she needed to help her sort through her issues. The best I could do was provide her with company and a place away from Brian until she was able to live on her own. She needed to find someone that would always be in the right mind set to make sure she was okay, and that wasn't me.

I let myself have yesterday night with her mainly because she asked, but I knew I'd have to disappoint her eventually. Often I managed to push what happened with my mother out of my head, but then there'd be weeks at a time when it was all that I could think about. It wasn't healthy, but I couldn't control it and I knew that trying to work it out with a therapist like Adrianna suggested wouldn't do anything to help me either. That wasn't me just being my stubborn self; there really wasn't anything anyone could say to get myself out of my head.

The only thing that might've helped me was if David ever decided to actually speak to me without fucking with my head, but it'd been two years and the only two times I'd seen him since my mother died had been on Thanksgiving, which Adrianna hosted. He only ever made me feel worse when I saw him, and since the event was rapidly approaching, I was worried. I was worried that he'd take me to a really bad place and I'd snap at Beca, and she'd regret confiding in me.

I didn't want there to be any regret when it came to her trusting me.

I let my eyes rest on her face again. She hadn't been in such a good state last night, but the tears were now gone and her hair was smooth due to the amount of times I'd run my fingers through it. She looked more peaceful than she usually did during her sleep, which made me happy. I didn't want to get up and leave her alone in bed after last night, even though I know we had both assumed that our kiss was a one time thing, so I settled against the headboard of my bed and closed my eyes again. There was still plenty of time before we had to go to the school, and I was going to enjoy this for as long as I possibly could.

I woke up an hour or two later without Beca pressed against my body. My heart sunk because I knew that we would probably never do that again. I checked the time and got out of bed, showering and slipping a fitting blue dress and a belt on. I found Beca in the kitchen, dressed in red jeans, a white sweater and a red beanie. Her hair was pushed forward and she honestly looked amazing, but that was probably just my clouded judgement talking.

"Morning," she said, taking a sip of her coffee and scribbling something down on a piece of paper. I was unsure how to go about the situation. Was she going to be disappointed that I'd kissed her back last night, but still couldn't be with her? She seemed.. fine, and she didn't at all seem like she was planning on bringing up the night before.