Subjugated

Chapter Seventeen: Closure

  I dust off my palms, and we begin to walk up the road. I'm peppering them with questions, most of which Desmond is answering. Father is still in shock from my hug. 

   "Where are you staying?"

   "We found a cheap inn just down the road." 

   "When did you turn back?"

   "On the second day. I thought you wouldn't stay away for that long."

   I feel a bit of indignation welling up inside me. "Why not?"

   "Females are fickle creatures..." He smirks. His smirk is adorably boyish, and it only makes me more angry. 

   "Stop smirking!"

   "Why?"

   "Because it gets me angry."

   His smirk widens into a grin. "Why?"

  "Because....I don't know! It just does."

   He laughs. "Maura, I would kiss you right now if your father wasn't right behind us and glaring at our backs. If we do get married, I want you to never change."

   "Why?"

  He laughs some more. "Because you're the most exciting person I've ever met. Because your absence made me realize how much I've liked you all along. Because I want to be the only boy on your mind. Because I want to wake up to your beautiful face every day. That's why." He folds his arms after saying this, adding a certain finality to his words.

   I don't know why, but I burst into tears. Those are the most simple, beautiful words anyone has ever said to me since my mother died. Having someone show that they care about me, love me, need me is currently the most important thing to me. I think back to my hug with my father. I could feel his love for me, feel a bit of warmth that's been buried underneath fear. Fear of letting me go. Fear of losing me.

   I cry until the last tear is squeezed out, until I feel like a wrung-out cloth. I sniffle and say tearfully, "You know I kissed other boys, right?"

    His face darkens a bit. "I assumed you would. It was your first time out in the world alone. You probably felt like a starving man sitting at a lord's table. There was such a bevy of boys, and you wanted to experience everything. This doesn't mean I'm happy about it. If any of these little boys come looking for you, I swear in the name of the Lord that they will feel my wrath."

   I gulp. I don't doubt that Zachary would come looking for me, and I honestly would like some closure (and clothes back) from my time with him.  But I simply nod, not wanting to feel his wrath myself. 

    We walk for about an hour more, and finally arrive at a shabby building with a crooked sign reading "LODGING" on the door. I go inside and am led to the room my family has rented. I walk in and see Desmond's siblings sleeping in the bed, little snores coming out of their rosebud mouths. The adults are pacing around, but when we come in, they all jump. 

    "Maura!" Desmond's mother is the first one to recover from the shock. She envelops me in her arms. I breathe in her motherly smell of baking and flour. For a moment, I'm home again. 

     Then it's Brendan's turn. He squeezes me so hard that I feel like I can't breathe. To my surprise, I see him shed a tear.

   "I've missed you, little sister." I smile. To Brendan, I'll always be his little sister.

   Finn is standing off to the side, aloof. Eventually, he comes over and gives me a surprisingly warm hug.

  "I never thought I would say this, but we've all really been worried." 

  "Well, it's not every day that your little sister disappears."

  "It better not be."

  Then I sit on the bed, next to Desmond's sleeping siblings. I stroke their pale faces, and play with Cathleen's dark, silken curls. I think about how much I've come to love them all, even Desmond. 

    Father's voice breaks me out of my reverie. "Reunion's over. Time for your punishments."

   First, he slaps me clear across the face. Once, twice, three times. Somehow, it doesn't sting as much as it used to. 

   "Now, stage two. You will be married as soon as we return. No questions asked. You must beg God for forgiveness for your sins." 

   I nod. I'm so incredibly happy to be home, to be with my family, that any punishment seems trivial.

  Later that day, during our mid-day meal, Desmond takes me for a walk. I tell him all about what happened to me, from Zachary to the market to Lucas. He looks angry at points, but his anger doesn't show in his kiss. 

   "Why did you kiss me?"

  "Because you're better, even tainted, than most undamaged girls." 

  I smile and ignore him calling me "tainted." Then he kisses me again, and I know I am home.