Subjugated

Chapter Six: Finn's Findings

  Looking up, I'm relieved to see my brother Finn standing above me, and not, say, Brendan or Father. Being big and burly, Brendan sees it as his job to protect me. He would probably fight with Desmond, if he saw us like this, tangled on the dirt floor of a shabby inn, me in a thin nightgown, him shirtless, his skin glowing in the moonlight. Finn is more often my torturer than my protector. He could care less about who or what I kiss.

   Besides, Finn owes me for an incident that occurred two years back, when I was thirteen and he was fifteen. Finn was set to marry Colleen, a girl from our village. She was very pretty, with fair, creamy skin, white-blond hair, and full lips the color of rosebuds. Then, one day I caught them kissing in the some barn. I still remember it. Me, still wiry and thin at thirteen, walking and hearing noises. Swinging open the heavy door to the barn. Smelling the hay and manure. Seeing Colleen, bits of hay so bright against her light hair, and Finn all tangled. Slamming the door shut and running home. I never told Father, but apparently Colleen's family found out and they cancelled the match since they didn't approve of pre-marital physical contact. Now, Colleen is pregnant and married to some man she doesn't love. Sadly, though, that's what everybody does. Often I'll see her waddling around, and she'll smile sadly at me. As if to say, "I still love your brother." As if to say, "Be smart. Don't end up like me. Find love."

  Finn stands above us awkwardly, his blond hair covering his eyes a bit. I untangle myself from Desmond and haul myself up with a grunt. Desmond, who had his eyes closed, opens his eyes with a grumble. He looks up and his green eyes grow wide. "

  Jesus," Desmond says, "I-I'm sorry. I-I d-didn't mean any harm. P-Please don't do anything." Finn smiles and helps Desmond to his feet.

  "Listen," Finn says, "I know what it's like to have a relationship ruined. It'll be our little secret, as long as you don't go too far, if you know what I mean." With that, he winks and walks away, weaving through everyone who's sleeping on the dirt floor.

  I turn to Desmond, feeling disgusted that my brother warned me "not to go too far." "What does that mean? Don't go too far?" I ask.

 Desmond whispers seductively, "I don't know. There are no limits for me."

 I smirk, but I push him away, suddenly disgusted with him and myself for allowing myself to be seduced so easily by someone I hate. He looks at me with the look of an abandoned child. I roll my eyes at him.  

   "What do you want?" I snarl. "It's late. We have a lot of walking to do tomorrow. I've done enough with you for one night."

 He gives me a smile that, I confess, is a bit cute. "No," I say flatly.

"Why not?" he yells.

"Shush," I scold. "You'll wake someone up."

"God, why not? You can't handle the feelings? You're too unfeeling for this, too cool? I poured out my heart tonight! Yet, you can't admit having any warm feelings!" he yells.

I'm scared. So far, I've never seen him this emotional. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I don't know the right thing to say.

 "Listen, I don't want to get too attached. I can't handle leaving you with a broken heart," I say.

  "So then don't leave. Stay here," he says. Then he eyes me skeptically. "Where are you going?" he asks.

 "Nowhere," I stammer out.

 He gives me a funny look, but eventually says, "I'm going to sleep. Good night."

 I mumble good night and fall asleep, dreaming of tomorrow, the day I finally get away.