101 Reasons (A HUNDRED AND ONE REASONS NOW AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES)

Reason Number 3

You keep telling me to be glad for what we had

while we had it.

That the brightest flame burns quickest.

Which means you saw us as a candle. And I saw us as the sun.

-iwrotethisforyou

My Mom almost begged me to drop out of school; she's been very hysterical about me collapsing at some unknown place without someone to rescue me. If I'm not sick, Mom's idea would've been awesome. But since I have leukemia, I think I should live as a normal teenage girl just for the sake of it. Even if I'm not like other people, I still don't want to feel that I'm different.

Dad finally convinced Mom that I need someone to lean on to with my disease, I just nodded, but obviously I will not tell anyone about this. Not even to Lee and Aya. I don't need pity.

Monday morning came and James and I waited for the school bus to arrive. "Are you feeling okay?" He asks as he look at the end of the street to see any sign that our bus is coming.

"Yes." I said pretending to be damn strong when in fact I'm scared to death. What if Mom is right? What if I collapse and no one's there to rescue me? What if they will be too late and I'd be dead? I don't want to die that way. Heck I don't want to die at all!

The bus came and I walk straight at the end of the bus. Everything seems normal, only for me it isn't. James did not sit beside Stan today; instead he followed me all the way at the back and sat beside me. But Stan didn't seem to mind. Stan is James' best friend. They've been best friends since who-knows-when. I always had that little crush on him but when he comes over at our house and I see the pig that he was, well, that ended it.

Stan is the typical handsome-tall-athletic guy while my brother is just handsome and tall. Stan is a pain in the ass if you ask me but he seems to be very important to James so I put up with all the crap he did, like constantly picking on me and burping and farting right in front of my face.

"Will you tell Stan?" I suddenly blurted out while James is neatly unrolling his headphones.

"Huh?" he said absent-mindedly.

"Will you tell Stan about my... you know?" I repeated.

He looked at me; something in his eyes tells me that he needs to. "I won't if you don't want me to."

I feel bad. I'm acting selfishly; of course James needs someone to comfort him too, someone to tell the horrible feeling of having a sister who has cancer. He needs someone whom he can tell how gross it is when her little sister barfs every time they talk. He needs someone who will be there for him, someone who can make him strong despite of everything, because somehow all that's happening to me is happening to him too. He needs someone besides our family.

"You can tell him. Maybe he'll treat me a lot better if he knew." I saw his face lit up.

"Thank you Ann." He said and the whole bus ride to school was spent in silence. When we reach school, Stan waited for James to come down from the bus. "Yo man! Had a girly talk with Miss 'know-it-all?" Stan said as he lightly punched James' stomach. He just smile, I just glared at him. Maybe that will be the last time that Stan will say that. I hope not.

When I reached the classroom door, the two students blocking it quickly clear the way for me. I don't really know why they act that way; it's like an involuntary reflex when they see me. Aya who is talking to Lee crossed her arms on her chest when she saw me enter.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked, obviously she's still not over the fact that I did not attend her party.

"Busy. You know how my Mom is." I explained hoping she'll spare me from her twenty-one questions thing.

"You're not even answering your phone!" She answered.

"Honestly Ann, Aya spent a lot more time on the phone rather than her own party."

Somehow what Lee said lifted quite some heavy load in my chest. I know that they will always be there for me especially Lee. When Lee transferred here I immediately had this love-at-first sight thing for him. I never told that to Aya, she might think that I've gone crazy to like her childhood friend. Lee has this certain aura in him that makes you want to know him more and be with him more. He is so fun to be with and I actually believe that he cares for me. I caught him looking at me many times and when I do catch him he'd look away, they say that is a sign that a guy really likes you. And I personally believe that it really is.

"So where were you?" Aya asked looking at me intently.

"Dad got promoted so we celebrated his promotion. You know how Mom is so crazy about togetherness and stuff." I lied; my Dad is not even halfway to being promoted!

"Sucks." She replied.

"You look pale." Lee said and then touched my forehead with his hands. My heart began to beat irregularly as I watch Lee's concerned face.

"I forgot. What happened to your lab or what is that hospital thingy?" Aya asked, my face flushed paler as I remember the real reason why I missed her party.

"You went to the doctor? Why? You haven't mentioned that." Lee interrupted.

"Lee, I am the best friend and you are, well, not her best friend."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said ignoring Aya's random rants.

When I was about to answer the bell rang. "Tell me later okay?" Lee said and he went back to his seat. My heart beats loudly in my chest I'm afraid that he might hear it.

Aya is about to sit beside me but she jumped and quickly whispered something.

Something worse than having leukemia itself.

"Lee asked me out on a date! Can you believe that?"

My mind went blank.

Why is everything falling apart?