Diary (Camren)

Chapter 30

September 6 2016

Hello. Today is a good day. I had the strength to go to the park with Dinah and Normani. Even if I was in my wheelchair, I was still outside, in the park, with my friends. It was so so nice to see them again! They gave me flowers and some magazines. How sweet of them? But to be honest, I don't like being treated different just because I am sick. I'm fading away. That's sick. I mean, I have always been small but thats extremely small. I mean, I'm an 16. Enough about that. The trip is planned. We're going to France for a week in december. It will be Lauren, I, Mom and Sofi. I am so so excited! We will be there 2nd december until the 9th december. About a week. We have to wait that long because that is when I am finally off this session of chemo. I am really really excited and I'm sooo looking froward to it! You can't even imagine.. It will be so perfect. Just think about it. Me and Lauren. In Paris. Together. It just can't be something else than perfect. Some people from school has been here also, plus some teachers. I am slighty emberassed though. Because I am so weak, pale, skinny and bald. I was healthy, strong, happy. It's sad to think about it. That this is actually happening to me. I was perfectly healthy before, I was barely sick and when I was it was a samll cold or something. Rarely something bigger than that. And now - Poff - cancer. Leukemia. It makes me feel so depressed. Late at nights when Lauren is asleep I am just crying. Because I'm hurt. Everything hurts. I'm bald. I'm skinny as fuck, I'm so weak i can berely move out of my bed and I have bruises everywhere. I also have these stubid tubes in my nose who helps me breath and some tube from my chest. It sucks. I wonder what anyone would say if they knew I was lying awake at night, crying myself to sleep. They would probably just think that I was stupid for feeling so sorry about myself. Because I am blessed to still be alive and that I have the oppoturnity to get treatment. I am just so confused.. I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or say or feel or do. Am i just supposed to lay here in my bed and be quiet? I don't know. At least i have my Lolo who makes me feel so so loved. And my mom, and best friends and sister. The most amazing people on this earth. Now, I am gonna take a nap before Lauren comes to visit me. straight after school as usual. She's back there, at school I mean. She studied home while I was really sick and was in coma and stuff. Thats so sweet off her to do. But to be honest I think I would do the same. Is it even possible to fall in love with a person like this over and over again, every day? I din't believe in true love before i met Lauren I really didn't. But she showed me wrong and I will fight for her. I will kick cancers butt, I will survive and I will live the rest of my life with Lauren. Because I really do believes that she's my soulmate. Even though I am this young. Maybe I am crazy. I dont know. But that's just how i feel. Goodnight.

x Camila

I finally updated! I know that I am the worst. I didn't updated in like a 4 months and I'm really sorry!! School started and I was busy but yeah here it is new chapter

Sorry because mistakes! 💋

-Michaela