Just a Game

You Didn't Let Me Finish

A/N: lol you guys distrust Jace so much! But, thank you so much for still being here with me and I hope to see you again next week!

***

Alice // chapter twenty-one

"W H A T are you laughing about?" I asked, a bitter scoff following after because I was utterly lost as to why he was in the mood for laughter considering what had just happened.

His laughing fit came to a slow end and he crossed his arms, his eyes diligent as they stared at mine as if trying to find something I wasn't giving up to him through words. "Five months and you still don't trust me."

I actually took a step back, because I was that shocked. "Five months and I don't trust you? You don't trust me! How the hell do you expect me to completely trust you when every day I'm reminded that I've lost your trust?"

His strong stance didn't wane. If truth be told, it grew in its strength as I stood there weakening by the minute. "I don't remind you of that fact, Alice. You remind yourself."

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. He was right. "Don't you think I know that?" I looked up at him, feeling the burning tears nearing the edge of my eyes. My throat began to burn as I continued to speak. "You don't know what it's like to just think of how you've hurt one of the most important persons in your life every sing damn day."

His lips thinned. "I don't need to know that to forgive you. And I did, a long time ago. Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything," my shoulders slumped in defeat, "I lied before, J. I do trust you. Completely. Wholly. With all, that's in me. I know there's nothing going on between you and Tanya. You're not that kind of person. But it pains me every day to know that you don't trust me and I know I deserve it for everything that happened months ago.

"Do you know what it's like to live knowing that your lover doesn't really trust you and it's your own damn fault? I wake up every morning and you're the first thought that comes to mind. Your smile. Your face. Your lips. Your voice. Your scent, just every part of you. And then it's like a sharp dagger is struck through my every being, destroying that beautiful thought, destroying you. It reminds me of what I lost and what I will never gain. I know it makes me sound weak and like a fool who never stops complaining, but it sucks, J. It fucking sucks."

"It doesn't make you sound weak or like a fool," he rebutted softly.

"Yeah, I know" I snickered, shaking my head and looking away from his dangerously sincere eyes. "God, what am I doing?"

He took a step closer to me and I followed by taking a step back. He arched his eyebrow and studied the space between us before sighing and looking up at me. "What do you mean?"

I rested my hands on my waist. "I mean, what am I doing? I'm interrogating you on your birthday."

He smiled. "You're very sexy when you're in an interrogating mood. It's the first time I'm seeing it."

I couldn't help the smile that tugged at the end of my lips. "You're very sexy 24/8, what do you want me to say?"

"24/8?" He chuckled.

I nodded and he actually laughed. When he took a cautious step closer to me this time, I didn't take a countering step back. Rather I followed him with my eyes, willing him to take other steps to close the distance between us. And so he did.

His hand reached for my waist whereas the other raised to my cheek. I realized as I stared into his eyes that his playfulness has washed away. He was being serious and it shone through his voice as well when he spoke. "You know, when I think about what happened between us the first two weeks after we met, it baffles me that it really happened. You've changed, baby. Not drastically, but you're more trusting. You trust me and sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve it. I haven't given you anything worthwhile, yet you give me the best thing I can imagine having; you. I've tried to understand why our beginning had to be so corrupt and I couldn't," he took a short break to lightly peck my lips, rendering me even more breathless than I already was, "until this very moment. It happened because we're meant to be and easy beginnings aren't as promising as everyone thinks. Surely, I can't promise what will happen tomorrow or days, months, or even years from now, but what I know in my every being right now in this moment is that I don't want anyone else."

"I don't want anyone else either," I stuttered quietly, my arms tightening their hold on his muscular waist.

"I trust you, love. Completely, wholly and with all that's in me. I trust you with my life, with all that I have. It took me awhile to get over what happened, but I'm here now. You are worth everything and more. I wish I could give you the world, baby. I wish I could do for you more than I'm doing now. You've done more for me than I expected. You've trusted me, cared for me, done for me more than I can ask. Your heart is pure, precious. Don't ever question it. What happened in those two weeks is long forgotten and it's not a problem for me at all now. I want you to let it go, too. For our sake."

My heartbeat was loud and I was sure I could hear it. His words had somehow slithered their away into my mind, taking my focus away from everything but him. My strength had waned and my walls were completely down. There was a certain fear that crept up in their place, a sense of vulnerability. However, I knew he wouldn't hurt me, so my walls being down didn't bother me in the slightest. He was mine and now, so was his trust. And no amount of words could truly explain how tremendously good that knowledge felt.

"You've given me you and believe it or not, that's more than enough. That's more than you could ever know," I said quietly, afraid my voice would break due to the overwhelming happiness that ran through me, "thank you for telling me."

He smiled wittingly. "You didn't let me finish."

I brought our face closer, a few centimeters separating our lips. I could still see his eyes clearly, his everlastingly beautiful eyes. "What's left?"