Just a Game

A Cold Blank Void

Alice // chapter seven

I was officially pathetic. I sat in my kitchen on Wednesday morning, eating ice cream for breakfast. My mom had already left for work, but I told her I wasn't going to school today. I actually hadn't gone to school for three days. She almost fought me on skipping school for this long, so I lied and told her I had a bad migraine again. She believed me since I rarely lie to her.

I'd turned my phone off, Jace kept calling and I knew that if I kept it on, I'd answer it like the dumbass I am.

I looked at the clock by the dividing wall and realized that I would be in math right now, feeling awkward as shit with Jace in the same room. So close yet so far.

Letting out a loud huff, I stood and marched to the living room. I sat down, pulling my laptop onto my lap. I took another bite of my ice cream before putting it down on the coffee table.

Without even thinking twice about it, I did what I needed to do.

To: weisshannah@gmail.com

Subject: Math Tutor

Hi, this is Alice Moore from your first-period class. You asked Jace to tutor me to catch up with the rest of the class. I think I'm fine with catching up on my own. I've got the basics down so I think I'll be good. Thank you.

I sighed, looking at what I'd just written. I didn't want to think twice about the decision I made. I was right to do this. I needed to do this.

Letting out a sharp sigh, I hit send and closed my laptop. I didn't want to give myself the opportunity to write another email, apologizing profusely for the mistake I've made and telling Ms. Weiss to ignore my initial email.

No, I needed to stay strong.

I picked up my bowl and retracted to eating like the messy idiot I am. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep on the couch with the ice cream bowl half empty and the ice cream all over my face.

The next thing I remember was hearing the doorbell ringing and pulling me out of the deep sleep I had fallen into.

"Who the fuck is it?" I screamed, annoyed that someone had dared to wake me up. I was dreaming about Ryan Gosling. Why would they do this to me?

"Um, it's me, Jace."

I froze. My heart started to beat faster and the thoughts of Ryan Gosling in my dreams dripped away faster that I had woken up. I sat up straight, indecisive about what I wanted to do.

What was even more important is how the hell he got my address? And what's secondly more important is why he was here?

"Alice?" he called, "please, I know you're in there. I need to speak to you."

I swallowed hard and got up from the couch. I put the ice cream bowl on the coffee table and walked to the door slower than a turtle.

Pushing the alarming thoughts to the back of my head, I pulled the door open. I gasped when I saw him standing there. His eyes were tortured, dark bags under his eyes, initiating that he hadn't gotten much sleep.

He let out a long breath of relief. "Alice."

My eyebrows furrowed as the images of him and Tanya overpowered the image of his lips against mine. "How'd you get my address?"

"I got it from Ms. Weiss," he shrugged, his tone unapologetic.

"So what do you want?"

He studied me for a moment before answering. "Ms. Weiss told me you emailed her about ending our tutoring sessions."

I crossed my arms. "I did."

He tilted his head in question. "Why?"

"Why do you care?"

He sighed heavily. "Alice, why are you being like this?"

I almost rolled my eyes. "Like what?"

"Cold. I don't know you like this," he shook his head.

"You've only known me for a week, Jace," I spit, "you don't know me at all."

He shook his head once more as if he couldn't believe the words that were bitterly leaving my lips. "But last week, you weren't this way. You were so good to me. You listened to a story I've never told anyone. You gave me hope that someone can actually give a fuck. I trusted you, Alice. I trusted you with a part of me I could never show anyone. I thought you cared."

I inhaled sharply. "Well, you thought wrong."

"So, you were just pretending to care?"

I nodded. "Maybe I was. Maybe you were lying."

Pain shot across his face and I almost pulled back on how harsh I was being. "Lying about what?"

"Your family."

"Alice, come on," he breathed heavily, "you don't mean that."

I shook my head and spoke firmly. "I do. You've given me no reason to trust you, Jace."

In that moment, something in him broke and he looked at me like I've just slapped him in the face. "What have I done wrong?"

I couldn't stop nor could I help the snicker that left me. "Are you kidding me?"

He bit his lip and shook his head slowly. "No, I'm not."

"No," I bit back what I truly wanted to say, "you don't deserve to know."

He stared at me for a moment before running his fingers through his soft hair. "Okay, fine, but at least come back to school."

"Why do you care if I do or if I don't?" My bitterness gradually increased as I stared at him. I feared that I might be starting to hate him for what he'd done to me, to Tanya. What's funny is that he deserves it. He deserves me hating him. I don't know why I felt bad for the way I was thinking of him, for the hateful way I was looking at him. He deserved all of the hate I was giving him and more. There was nothing for me to feel sorry about. He was a sorry excuse for a boyfriend; Tanya surely deserved better. It didn't matter that she had been so cruel to me on my first day. She didn't deserve this lying, cheating piece of shit.

Breathe.

"You know I care about you, Alice," he whispered, his voice low. He looked to be fighting to keep his emotions under control, fighting to keep his voice from revealing the misery his eyes clearly displayed.

I scoffed. "I don't know that, Jace. I don't know anything about you, but that you are a liar and a cheater. I want nothing to do with you. So, please, just go away."

His eyes sharpened. "I've never cheated on anybody in my life and I have done nothing but be honest with you the entire time we were together. What are you talking about?"

I bit my lip to keep me from screaming at him the way I wanted to. "You're ridiculous if you think I believe you."

"Please, Alice, don't be this way," he pleaded, reaching for my hand, "there's so much you don't know."

I ripped my hand away before he could get to it. "You don't get a say in how I treat you. Now, if you don't mind, I have shit to do, can you leave?"

He looked at me with those sad eyes for a long time, making me uncomfortable with the way I was treating him, the way I was talking to him. Then, he shook his head slowly and said, "I wish you weren't so quick to judge, Alice. I wish you weren't so cruel."

I narrowed my eyes at him and almost laughed. "You deserve it."

He gave me a sharp nod and his face darkened, freezing into a cold blank void. "Fine, you win, Alice." And then he walked away, leaving me to ponder on what the hell had just happened.