I choose you Damon Salvatore

final goodbye or first hello?

Get up. Go to work. Feed. Sleep. Get up. Go to work. Feed. Sleep. That was my routine, nothing complicated, no one to depend on except the person or people I jump in the street at night to feed on and no one to break my heart. It has been two months, two long months since my birthday and no matter how much I try and move on I cannot. I go out clubbing occasionally to find a good source of young blood and whenever a guy makes a move on me I always manage to push him away...

I still love him, no one else; that is why I have to do this. What is the point of having eternity if you cannot enjoy it, I would have been better off dying back in 1940, at least that pain was manageable, at least then Damon loved me.

“Better to try and fail than never try at all” my words to Stefan all those years ago echoed in my head. I suppose I had a good try, 72 years was good going, but now I just wish I had not tried at all.

I got up out of my bed and picked it up, finally having the courage to do it, to stake myself. I am doing this because I cannot enjoy my life anymore, not to make him feel guilty. I hid the piece of wood  in my pocket and walked out of the hotel towards the white cliffs of Dover. I had returned to England, it was my home. The place I always felt safest, even during world war 2. It seemed fitting in some way that I died in this country, the way I should have done, just I wasn’t brave enough to return home to Coventry.

“I am here to convince you not to do it” a man in a thick jacket told me as I walked past the safety fence.

“you will leave me alone and not remember that you even saw me” I compelled him and he walked away.

I looked down at the water crashing against the cliff and laughed. I must look like Bella from Twilight. Who was I kidding, screw Damon, I am not going to kill myself because he chose that bitch over me. I sighed and pulled the stake out of my pocket, and played with it in my hands. Do I or don’t I, I asked myself. Do I throw the stake into the sea, or do I throw myself. It is not like anyone will miss me or notice I am gone; Damon would have got himself a new toy, Stefan has Elena and Elena has Stefan. The only person who might is Lexi but I only met her when I was human, then again for Stefan’s birthday and my own, so she obviously didn’t overly care.

“Damn it, why do I still love you Damon” I muttered still fiddling with the stake.

“because I am the sexiest man alive” his voice answered. That was just my mind playing tricks on me. I shook my head and decided what I wanted to do.

“before you do it will you at least let me explain” his voice asked.

“this must have been what Rose felt like before she died, because I know you are not here yet I hear your voice” I sighed.

“been bitten by a wolf then” I heard it again, his voice. It was coming from behind me. I shook my head again and laughed at myself, maybe I had something else in common with Bella; I couldn’t seem to live without Damon, and now before I throw myself off a cliff I am hearing his voice. I am stopping this right now.

“Screw you Damon Salvatore. Screw you” I shouted throwing the stake into the water. This was my defining moment, I lived before Damon, I could live after him.

“it’s a little cold to screw out here, but we can go back to my hotel room if you want” Damon’s voice chuckled. I turned around and he was standing there, right behind me. I reached my hand up and touched his face. It felt real, it felt like him. He placed one of his hands over mine to trap my hand to his face.

“god I wish I hadn’t thrown that stake away” I snapped and slapped him around the face as hard as I could, then stormed off.