Behind Closed Curtains (Desires of the Forbidden)

Chapter 22

I needed to leave the apartment.

I couldn't stay there any longer; not at the moment at least. I couldn't eat, I hadn't slept, and every time I passed by the bedroom, flashbacks and a vicious nausea consumed my mind and body.

The apartment was suffocating me, the memories that it held; drowning me.

I knew rehearsal wasn't for another hour but I couldn't sit in that apartment anymore attempting to go about my daily routine. I didn't have the energy for yoga, could have cared less about cleaning the place, and felt myself lose an ounce more of my sanity with every second I stayed put.

So I left.

I walked into the theater with the same, languid steps I had been taking all day long. My conviction, any drive I had, any joy at all that once flowed through my veins was gone.

Zach had officially taken everything out of me.

Everything but this brand new emotion in which I didn't have a lot of experience with but was quickly becoming addicted to as it was the only thing that made sense, the only emotion that seemed to fuel any point in my life.

Hate.

Loathing.

Pure, dignified, irresistible hate for the man I had loved for so long. The man I still loved but to what degree? I wasn't sure anymore.

I was prepared to step into the theater, stalk off somewhere quiet, maybe even to the garden just to be alone with my thoughts in a neutral setting.

I planned on doing that.

Yet, the second I stepped foot into the lobby, I knew my plans were going to take a drastic turn.

A commotion caught my attention, propelling my stare up as the lobby door shut loudly behind me.

Frantic sky blue eyes locked onto mine, a thousand shades of sorrow and fury registering through his stare.

I said nothing as we held each other gaze. Kaleb's lips parted in an attempt to say something but nothing came out; only silence hung between us two as the words we both longed to speak were nowhere in reach.

I took the silence as an opportunity to take in his appearance; which was far off of his usual game. If I were to be completely honest, he looked... terrible.

Well, as terrible as someone that naturally attractive could look.

His hair was messed in every which direction, deep, unhealthy looking bags hung under Kaleb's eyes and gave away to the exhaustion that was practically radiating off of him. And his face... his entire, excruciatingly handsome face was so terribly broken and distraught that it was almost painful to look at him any longer.

I knew I looked none the better.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Kaleb spoke.

"You-," he began, his voice cracking as soon as he spoke. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"You haven't been answering your phone."

My brows rose a slight bit, taken a bit off guard by what he finally did land on saying.

"Oh, uh, I honestly didn't even think about it. Probably still laying on the floor," I offered up as an excuse with a barely there shrug as I averted my eyes from his and to the floor.

"I called you. I called you all night long and you never picked up... I didn't know what to think," Kaleb said, his voice thick with emotion.

I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want anyone knowing what happened last night. I couldn't handle Kaleb out of all people knowing how far I had fallen within the span of a few minutes at the hands of the one he had warned me about time and time again.