Letters to the Author -Larry Stylinson

chapter twenty five

This won't do, Louis thought.

He had just lost Harry, and now he lost Niall. Next thing he knew he'd be losing Lucile too. 

How old did cats live? He looked it up. Fifteen years. 

Lucile still had a ways to go. That made him feel a little bit better.

Louis looked at his phone in his hand. It was locked. He had been staring at it for the last couple of minutes, trying to build up the courage to call Niall. What he said was awful, and he took out his hurt and anger on Niall instead of Harry.

He needed to fix this. All of this.

First he sent Harry a text. Where are you right now?

Then, he called Niall.

The first time, he didn't answer. The second time, he also didn't answer. The third, he did, after the first ring.

"Louis, what do you want?" Niall sounded quite irritated, and it made Louis flinch.

"Niall, I need to talk to you." Louis feels tears start to build up in his throat and he clears it quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry. And I know that's a shit apology so please, please come here."

Niall sighed, and Louis closed his eyes, praying that Niall would agree.

"I'm sorry, I just can't right now. You called me a bloody awful friend. Maybe in a little bit. But right now I just don't think I can talk to you. I'm sorry, Louis. Some other time." 

A second later he hung up.

The monotone sound that came out of the phone was like a punch in the gut. Louis threw his phone on the ground, taking a deep breath through his nose and trying not to cry, but all of a sudden it hit him harder and a sob escaped his mouth. 

Why was this happening to him?

He heard a knock on his door, and he didn't respond, but he was sure that the person on the other side heard him crying. 

At the second knock, Louis groaned in frustration. "Go away!" He yelled loudly.

He heard a key in the lock, and the door opened slowly.

And there, in the doorway, stood Harry Styles.

And Louis sat there like a confused idiot, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

"Louis," Harry said softly, his voice a whisper and Louis could barely hear it over the sound of the heater in his room. "Louis, are you okay?"

Louis didn't think he was able to talk; he was still holding his breath. All that came out of his mouth was another choked cry and he buried his head in his hands. This was so embarrassing.

"Please get out," Louis begged. "Please."

Harry's gaze faltered from Louis' face to the floor. "I know you're angry with me," he began. 

"Angry with you? That is an understatement Harry. What kind of person comes 'round and makes someone feel like the most special person in the world, makes them feel like they are so loved, and then just leaves? Not only am I angry Harry, I am beyond hurt." 

"I know," Harry said softly. "I can explain, but it's not going to make you hate me any less."

Louis took another shaky breath. "I don't hate you Harry. I love you. Why else would I be such a wreck? I don't understand how you could do this to me."

Harry didn't respond, just walked and sat on Louis' bed. He began to grab Louis' hand, but Louis yanked it away. 

"Louis."

"What?" Louis asked.

"It's because of my publisher. My PR representative. The person who signed this contract with me. That's why I left you. And I know that isn't an excuse. Of course it isn't. I should've broke the contract, I should have stood up for myself. I tried to. But I couldn't lose this tour. I know it sounds like a stupid tour, but it's how I make my living. If I lose my books, if I lose my readers, I have nothing. But I have millions of girls out there that read my books, that like me. And if they knew I was gay? I would lose so many readers."

Louis' eyes widened, and there was a long silence between the two. 

"Are you. Fooking. Serious?!" Louis yells, pushing Harry off his bed and standing up in the middle of the room. Harry stumbles backwards, surprise in his eyes because Louis was first crying and quiet and now he was yelling. Loudly. 

"What? What?"

"It's one thing to not begin to date me because you're scared that you like guys. But it's another to lead me on and tell me you love me and kiss me and tell me you'll see me soon then never contact me again! Like what the hell is that?! You are so full of yourself to think that telling me that you're scared of your girls not liking because your gay is a legitimate reason to treat me the way you did! My goodness Harry, how easy do you think I am?!"

Louis was fuming now, pacing around the room with his hands in fists and his face felt hot and he had never been this offended in his whole entire being. Harry Styles, the person who he fell in love with a year ago, was scared of being gay.

And left him for it.

And then Harry was walking towards him and grabbing his arms, and Louis struggled against him but Harry just put his face really close to Louis' and Louis gave up when they locked eyes and all he could see was those green beautiful irises. 

"I'm far from easy, Harry. I am Louis Tomlinson. And I don't care if I'm a boy or a piece of toast. You should be proud to be with me," Louis said softly, but he couldn't stop staring it Harry's eyes.

"You aren't easy," Harry said. "That's why I'm here now. I'm here because I know I'm gonna have to fight like hell to get you back, and I know I don't deserve you. But I'm willing to come out. To everybody. For you. And it took me a year to finally figure out what an idiot I was being. And you are Louis Tomlinson. The fact that you haven't physically kicked me out of this room has made me beyond grateful. You are the most amazing boy I have ever laid my eyes on. I'm asking you for a chance."

Louis thought back to what Niall said to him. Some other time.

"Some other time," Louis said, but he wasn't even sure why he said it.

Because now Harry's lips were a centimeter from his, and all he could see was those beautiful green eyes.

"Okay, some other time," Harry said, and then he grabbed the back of Louis' neck and pushed their lips together, the other hand in Louis' hair and Louis couldn't breathe and all he could think or feel was Harry, Harry's lips pressed against his and his tongue in his mouth and he was mad but it sure did feel good.

***

I'm not even going to apologize in this author's note because it will never ever excuse the amount of time it took me to update. But... I'm back.

I love you all.

-Kayla. x