Love,Hope,and Cancer

Runner Runner

...I have cancer??

It's been running through my mind the entire 2 hours that I've been crying. Me nor Alex have said a word. What do we say? What do I do?  My whole life is running through my head. The life I've always wanted. I'm never gonna be somebody. I not gonna have kids. I'll never know who my husband would've been. I'll never feel that pleasure and satisfaction of having sex or making love like everyone else. Am I gonna get to graduate?  Am I gonna become an actress or nurse??  WHO'S GONNA BE THERE FOR ALEX?!?!  We've been through so much. His mom died of cancer. I filled that hole of need for love and dependency in his heart. Is he gonna ever realize that I'm totally head-over-heals for him?? My life is over.

                       ***Alex's POV***

She has cancer. The one thing that Im afraid of. The thing thay changed my life 7 years ago. Why Rachel??! She's everything to me! And I'm gonna loose her. I'm supposed to PROTECT HER!! Why couldn't it have been me! I CAN'T loose her too. This is too much.

   I got up to walk out of the room, I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't let Rachel see me like this. I didn't even have the strength to twist the door knob. I just slid down the door and let it all out. I haven't cried since the 5th grade when my mom died. It's all coming back to me. 7 years of no tears are flowing out of my eyes. I can't breath. It's like the walls are closing in on me.

  I then felt a hand on my back rubbing small circles. I turned my head to see Amy, Rachel's mom.

"She's gonna be OK Alex, We'll get through this together"

"But (hiccup) she's(hiccup) gonna leave me(hiccup) like(hiccup) my mom" Tears started running down my face once I said the word "mom".

She hugged me and said "Rachel is strong. Stronger than all of us put together. Not even cancer can put her down. We have to believe this. I can walk out on her right now and she won't feel a thing. But if you do... She'll just wanna pull the cord.  You are everything to her. So, if there's anyone who can bring her up... It's you"

  That put a smile on my face. I just hope it's true.

                   ***Rachel's POV***

     My mom's been talking with Alex for a while. It gave me a chance to think about my life. I wanted to know what love felt like before I died. When you look back at my life I never said I fell in love with Alex. I dont fall in love. I hate all that stuppid lovey dovey cliche shit. That's because I did it once and my heart got shattered into a million pieces. Even of I don't graduate, get married, become a doctor or actress. I wanna at least be able to say I got what everyone else wanted...LOVE. You see, to me life is a game. And love it the prize. I just hope I win before I loose. So having that running through my mind... I need to talk to Alex.

"Hey Alex??"

"Yea?" He walked around the corner and sat on the edge of my bed.

"I need you to do something for me" He gave me a look that made it even harder to do this. "Before I die-"

"No" he shook his head. "Don't say that. You're gonna live. I'll be with you every step of the way. Just...don't say that."

" Just listen. Please?" He nodded. "Before I die" He closed his eyes and bowed his head "I want you to be the one to take my virginity."

His eyes flew opened. And head snapped up. "W-What? "

I sighed. "I want you to take my virginity."

"Why me?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't know how to answer that question.

"I dunno. I just want y-"

"Why not you're BOYFRIEND Jace??!!!?!"

I was shocked. Is he upset?

"Are you mad because I chose you?" Now I felt the anger boiling up inside me.

"I'm just confused!! Why me?? Of all people!! I don't want our friendship to be ruined.What are you in love with me or something?! Well guess what I'm NOT in love with you. "

Now I was pissed.

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME!!" Now tears started falling down my face. I could see the regret in his eyes. He tried to reach for my hand but I swatted it away and continued

"I TRUST YOU WITH THE ONLY STRING OF INNOCENCE AND LIFE I HAVE LEFT!! AND YOU TAUNT ME??!! I WANNA LIVE MY MOTHER FUCKING LIFE WITH YOU BEFORE I DIE AND YOU REJECT IT??! I DON'T FALL IN LOVE ALEX!! YOU KNOW THAT!!  SO THE FACT THAT IT'S YOU THAT I WANT TO MAKE SOME TYPE OF LOVE TO ME THAT'S THE BIGGEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE!! WHAT IF I DON'T TRUST JACE WITH IT??! HELL, YOU REFUSE TO SLEEP WITH ALEXA SO YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS!!YOU ARE THE CLOSEST I GET TO FEELING SOMETHING YOU PEOPLE DESCRIBE  AS LOVE!!"

Alex looked at me. Shock filling his eyes. Then they changed to regret. I then realized why, as soon as he said the next words.

"I'm sorry"

Then he just ran out. Without another word.