Star Styles (boyxboy)

Chapter 17

As Louis watches Harry and, Orlando he thinks his name is, stumble towards the black silk sheeted bed, Harry's hands holding Orlando's arse as they kiss and rut against each other messily, he thinks, this is it. He thinks he can't do it anymore. It hurts him to admit it, but he is helplessly drowning in the love he feels for Harry, but this, Harry's career, it's all become too much. He can't watch his boyfriend, his boyfriend, kiss another boy in front of him. Louis' never been an overly possessive person, but this is a different situation. Louis' never dated anyone that wasn't 100% his. Although, if you ask Harry, he is Louis'. Completely his. ("No. More. 110%!"). Unfortunately, Louis doesn't feel the same. He could do it in the beginning, when their love was teenage-giggly kisses and sweaty, messy quickies to dim the need for each other, but now that Louis' fallen for Harry, and Harry's become totally devoted to Louis, it's different. Louis can't just ignore or look past it anymore. He's over it. Over the marks on Harry's skin that aren't from him, or the off comment about Harry's up and coming shoot, the phone calls from Zayn to tell Harry who and what he's shooting the next day for Christ sake. Louis thinks that when he found the script for Harry's next movie sitting casually on the coffee table, right where the eat breakfast, it was the trigger of it. He couldn't do it. Not anymore. He had to make Harry choose; him or his career. Louis or porn.

-

"Harry, have you ever thought about quitting?" Louis asks one night when they're tucked under a big, silky duvet, Harry's oddly long feet resting in his lap as they watch some reality tv show about dancing toddlers.

"She's four!" Harry yells as the judges give Destiny Harry's, although he refuses to admit he picks favourites ("You can't pick favourites. They're only kids!"), favourite girl receives a low score of 5 for her bumblebee solo. Bumblebee? What is Louis even saying!?

"Harry," Louis repeats.

"Hmm?" Harry hums, eyes trained on the next contest having trouble with her fake eyelashes. "There really should be a rule about three year olds wearing falsies."

Louis chuckles at that. "Such a caring, concerned fan."

"It's wrong!"

"Yet you continue to watch this rubbish," Louis raises a brow as Harry turns to him with a loud gasp, gripping his chest as if he's received shockingly terrible news.

"Rubbish? How very dare you!"

Louis rolls his eyes, squeezing Harry's feet.

"Rubbish," Harry scoffs, turning back. "You'll be lucky to even get a handy after that Tomlinson."

"Oh, poor me," Louis says dryly. "Can't even get a decent hand job from the Harry Styles."

Harry frowns at that. "Pardon?"

"Nothing," Louis mutters, watching his own finger trace over the bone on Harry's ankle.

"Lou what's wrong?" Harry asks, voice quiet as he mutes the television.

Louis sighs loudly, refusing to meet Harry's eyes as he asks the question again, "Do you ever think about quitting?"

"Quitting what babe?" Harry asked, shifting his body to face Louis.

"Porn," Louis mumbles, arms crossing in his lap.

Harry frowned, head tilting curiously. "Why would I?"

Louis shrugs his shoulders. "Ignore me, I'm just having a moment," he tells Harry as he reaches to unmute the tv.

Harry stops him with a hand over his boyfriend's. "Louis."

Louis sighs again. "What?"

"What are you trying to say?" Harry asked him, trying to catch Louis' eye.

That I want you to quit. I hate you doing it. Please choose me. "Do you still enjoy it?"

"Sometimes yes, sometimes no," Harry answered him truthfully.

"Even with me in the picture?" Louis asked him, glancing up.

Harry sighs, knowing exactly what Louis is getting at. "Louis I know you're not the biggest fan of my career-"

"Correct."

"-but I can't do anything else. This is my source of income and I've worked really hard to get where I am today," Harry finished, watching Louis fiddle with his fingers.

"No, I know," he shakes his head, exhaling loudly. "I'm just being stupid. Don't worry."

"Do you want me to quit?"

Louis knows he's being selfish, wanting Harry all to himself, but he can't help himself. He nods.

"Okay."

Louis frowned at his hands, head snapping up to look at Harry. "Okay?"

"I know it's hard on you Lou. I know my career isn't the easiest thing to accept, nor live with, so I understand your wanting me to quit," Harry says softly.

"I feel a 'but' coming along."

Harry sighed, smiling a little as he reached out to tuck some of Louis' fringe behind his ear. "But, it's my passion. It's where I'm accepted and totally and completely myself and in my zone. I know some people think it's dirty and degrading, but being in porn has done wonders for my confidence and it's always been there. My something to fall back on, protect me-"

"But I could do just that. I have your back, always."

"I know Louis, but what if one day you wake up and you realise this isn't how you want to live? What if you choose you don't want me anymore?"

"That will never happen," Louis reassured Harry, reaching under the blanket to hold his hand tightly.

"How do you know?"

Louis smiles gently at Harry, bringing their clasped hands to his lips. "I just do," he breathed into their skin, kissing over Harry's knuckles.

"I can't quit Louis."

Louis nodded, gently pressing kisses to Harry's hand before muttering, "What if I made you choose between me and porn?"

Harry yanks his hand from Louis', face twisting unpleasantly. "You wouldn't."

Louis adverts his gaze back to his lap, picking at the ties of his sweatpants. "What if I did?"

Harry shook his head, making a disgusted, almost disappointed noise as he stood up. "Then you're not who I thought you were." And with that Harry leaves, escaping to their bedroom.

Louis sleeps on the couch that night.

-

"Hey..."

"Morning."

The awkward tension and sound of buttering toast fill the kitchen.

Louis waits in the doorway, back aching from the couch and hair a mess.

"Toast?"

Louis nodded, moving to sit at the table. "I'm sorry." He breaks the ice first.

Harry grunts, placing more bread into the toaster.

"Really," Louis tells him. "I am. I should never have asked that."

Harry nodded, agreeing. "Yeah, you shouldn't have."

Louis sighed as Harry places his breakfast in front of him. He cracks a smile when he sees the jam is spread in the shape of a heart. "I love you."

Harry smiled, kissing Louis' temple as he moved back to his own toast. Thankfully, their fight was over, but the tension wasn't gone, not even a little.