Tobias: Book One of the Cantrell Brothers Series

Chapter Forty-Five

There is a rule for reading this chapter. 

Rule one: After the sixth paragraph, begin playing the YouTube video on the right.

The song is "Walking Blind" by Aidan Hawken and Carina Round.

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"Jane." Tobias rolled her over so that all she could see was the stark gray of his eyes. "Look at me."

The seriousness of his words caused her breath to hitch, and she couldn't help but ask, "What's wrong?"

She had thought it had been a wonderful, wonderful day. Every i had been dotted; every t crossed. And from the way Tobias kept saying best birthday ever, it would be only logical to think that she had indeed gifted him with the best birthday ever. Even after all their sexual romps tonight, he was hardening against her. Nothing could possibly be wrong.

"Nothing's wrong. Quite the opposite actually," he broke the silence, smiling that breathtaking smile.

"Then why did you-"

"I love you, Jane Reynolds. I love you."

Just like that, her world screeched to a halt.

No, this can't be happening. He couldn't love her. She didn't deserve it. She was disordered, couldn't sleep properly at night, had to take pills just to make it through the pre-dawn hours. All of her flaws led up to one result, nobody could love her – not even Tobias Cantrell. For if he did, she would just end up hurting him, maybe even end up ending both their lives like her father had done nineteen years ago.

She could never hurt Tobias; he was the man she loved.

Over the past couple of days, she had come to realize what she was feeling, what had been overcoming her with a fierce intensity for the past months. It wasn't just the after effects from her pills or anything of that manner; instead, it was that one emotion she had never felt – had never allowed herself to feel – until she had met Tobias. The very man who was staring back at her now. The very same man who she refused to let herself hurt.

Jane couldn't do this. She simply could not risk the chance of harming the one, most important man in her entire life.

"Tobias, I..." She floundered for words, the hope in his warm eyes too much. "I...j-just. Please-se don't."

That one word, don't, ripped something inside of her. Connected to both her stomach and the left side of her upper chest, the worst pain she had ever felt shredded her into imaginary pieces. She couldn't even look at him as his arms tightened around her quaking body. It was only moments later, as the saltiness of her tears was tasted upon her tongue, that she realized she was crying.

"Jane, Jane." A warm chest pressed against her even more. "What's wrong? Why can't I-"

"You'll n-never understand!" She sobbed more fully against him.

Couldn't he see she was only trying to protect him?

Couldn't he, like her, ignore what he was feeling and for once just think about his own safety?

Of course he can't. He's too good for you, Jane. All he's ever cared about is you. He's too perfect to put his wants before others'. How could you ever allow it to get this far when every second you've spent him was causing more and more hurt? Even now, you're putting him in harm's way, her subconscious yelled, and Jane knew it was right.

But what had she been expecting when she had went with him on Thanksgiving to meet the family, when they had shared childhood stories, made love by the fireplace, and told each other some of their darkest secrets? She should have seen ti coming, but the hold Tobias had had – still had on her – made her ignore the warning signs and allow her to live in the heavenly oasis.