A Hundred Whispers Make a Howl

Chapter 15

              

 My ears are still ringing from Caroline's onslaught, but I can hear Shay opening the bathroom door.

"Look, Caroline, I'm really sorry, but I sorta kinda gotta go." The words are a hiss through the phone line, rushed by awkward panic.

Caroline is laughing on the other end, bell like and euphoric. "Of course you do, Nikki. Go! Call me tomorrow! We're doing brunch before I go into work, no excuses. Love you, have fun!"

The line goes dead.

For a second I just stare at my phone, pondering my life's choices. Then my shoulders slump and I drop heavily onto the couch, tossing the damn phone onto the cushions beside me. Groaning, I curl forward to hold my face in my hands.

This is my life. These are my choices...Fucking hell.

"Everything alright?"

Shay's voice, timidly inquisitive, coaxes me out of the fetal position in order to look at her. I heave a sigh, but nod my head slowly after a moment.

"Does this whole living a double life thing ever get easier?" I mutter, grabbing a pillow into my lap and reclining back into the couch. Shay chuckles dryly.

"In some ways, yes. In others, no. It's a price we have to pay to live among humans."

The she-wolf has composed herself once more. There's none of the lingering...whatever that had swayed me to emotional insanity earlier. It's a true relief; the room feels lighter, less suffocating, but...also emptier.

I swallow thickly, and sigh again, using my whole body. "Wonderful, good to know."

Shay takes a step closer, just one. She pauses, seems to hesitate as if testing the waters, then draws closer still, standing near the couch within arm's reach of me. She doesn't sit.

"It's hard sometimes, Nikole, being what we are in this world...But this life is worth it, I promise you. I know you can't see that now, but you will."

I shut my eyes, and for the briefest of seconds, I feel like crying. "I hope so." My voice comes out smaller than I intended, meek. But I am so tired of struggling with this; my life has been less than easy since being turned. Despite my obvious success in coping, most days, my actions were driven primarily by fear. Fear of discovery. Fear of hurting someone. Fear of death.

Beside me, Shay draws in a slow, deep breath, and looks down at me with a small frown and sad eyes. "You don't know it now, Rabbit, but things are already better. You're not alone anymore. You have a pack. Something every Varg needs...I know they're strangers now, but they don't have to stay that way."

The look I fix her with is incredulous at best. I'm still not sure how I feel about interacting with other werewolves. Meeting Marian, Darren, and even Gavin had helped set aside some doubts, but most of my interactions had been with Shay and she...well... Shay was still an enigma, albeit one I was slowly becoming more accustomed to.

As if she could tell the moment my thoughts drifted to her, the she-wolf abruptly gave me a small smirk. "And you've got me now, of course. Lucky you, really."

There's nothing I can do to keep from scowling. "Oh yeah, lucky, lucky me."

Shay just chuckles, then surprises me by snatching my discarded phone up off the couch, and holding it out to me.