A Hundred Whispers Make a Howl

Chapter 26

There is no doubt in my mind that I have just experienced a serious trauma. I had been drugged, kidnapped, locked in a cage, and subjected to genetic testing against my will. Rationally, I know that this experience may result in any number of stress reactions, such as insomnia, depression, or anxiety attacks. Even memory repression. My symptoms may surface immediately, or perhaps they will lay dormant for a time.

For now, however, I just feel numb...

Chances are this unnatural detachment is only a temporary defense mechanism. I know that beneath this layer of calm, my thoughts are a turbulent maelstrom. There's so much to sort through, from my conversation with Lysander, to my status as a possible genetic anomaly, to the fear I had seen in Alistair's eyes. For the time being, however, all those concerns remain repressed. Stored away within a fragile glass box for an inevitable breakdown on a later date.

Vacantly, I stare at my hands folded neatly in my lap, partially obscured by the sleeves of an oversized jacket that I had been given to wear. I'm dimly aware of my surroundings, listening to the sounds of the city as we drive. A cacophony of traffic joined with the voices of a thousand strangers. I welcome the noise as a distraction, letting it drown out any of my own thoughts when they threaten to arise. In the front seats of the van are Darren and Tran, with the former currently behind the wheel. Shay had personally selected both men for our security detail, assuring me that she trusted them with her life. The she-wolf herself sits beside me, watching me closely with worry clearly etched into her features.

"Nikole?" Shay murmurs softly. When I don't immediately respond she reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Huh?" I turn my head to look at her, taking in the sight of her apprehensive frown and pleading eyes. To be honest, I had barely registered the sound of my own name. I'm that out of sorts.

"Dumb question," Shay prefaces with a forced smile "but are you alright?"

"I-"My voice cracks and I clear my throat. "I don't know to be honest. I think maybe I'm in shock or something?"

Shay nods slowly, biting her bottom lip. Hesitantly, she draws closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to her. I go without complaint, reclining against the warmth of her body. With a sigh, I turn my face into the crook of her neck, seeking solace in the familiar scent she carries. In turn, the black wolf tightens her hold on me, and presses a chaste kiss to the crown of my head. I resist the urge to close my eyes for fear of sleep and the threat of nightmares.

"You're safe now, Rabbit. I've got you." My mentor whispers into my hair. Though her voice is gentle, and her arms around me are strong and steady, I can feel that the she-wolf is tense. Her muscles tight as the string of a war bow, ready to loose an arrow. She's holding her own emotions in check so as not to rattle me, but I can tell from her rigid posture, and furrowed brow that she's uneasy. Furthermore, she looks like she hasn't slept in some time, and if the dark bags under her eyes are any indication she's bordering on exhaustion.

Nonsensical as it is, I can't help but feel guilty. Logically, I know that this isn't my fault. But Shay has enough on her plate to worry about without taking care of me and my instabilities. I'm determined to hold it together, if only for her sake.

"We're here." A voice from the front of the van draws my attention. Tran has turned around in the passenger seat to address Shay and me. The beta's expression is professionally neutral, but his coal-black eyes are not unkind. Belatedly, I notice that Darren has already pulled into my complex's garage and is in the process of parking.