Where Is My Mind (Larry/Ziam AU)

13.

Chapter 13

    Louis opens his mouth, but no words come out. What is he supposed to say to that? Is Jamie - no, Harry - joking? Should he play along? If he is joking, Louis finds it to be anything, but funny.

    “Louis?” Harry’s voice is cautious, obviously sensing the confusion in Louis’ face. He understands because if it were the other way around, Harry would be confused as well. “Did you hear me?”

    “I . . .” Louis is still unsure what to say. He knows he should say something, but he’s a little busy freaking the fuck out to string words together in a sentence. The person sitting across from him has multiple personalities - Jamie and Harry - which means that he is essentially two different people. Louis only knows Jamie, so technically, he is in the presence of someone who he never spoke to before. “I,” he tries again, but it’s no help. Louis just can’t seem to wrap his head around this.

    Harry runs his hands through his hair again, hoping to figure out a better way to explain the situation to Louis. He knows that his other personality and Louis are friends, and they must’ve been rather good friends for Louis to show up at his doorstep, but Harry doesn’t know him. He doesn’t know how Louis works. He doesn’t know how to comfort him.  “Look,” Harry begins, but Louis shakes his head.

    “No.” Louis laughs humorlessly. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, Jamie, but quit it.”

    “Jamie,” Harry says slowly. “That’s my other personality, right?” he asks and Louis nods apprehensively. “Louis, you knew Jamie, but Jamie is not me.”

    Louis stands up. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You say Jamie is your happy place or whatever, but how does that work? How are you sitting there and looking at me, saying you don’t know who I am and I don’t know who you are?”

    Harry stands up, too. “Calm down, please.” He doesn’t like raised voices or anger or discomfort or confrontation. “I know this isn’t easy to understand and I know I am horrible at explaining it, but believe me when I say that I am Harry and that I am sorry.”

    “But how?”

    “I’m not exactly sure,” Harry replies honestly. He tries to explain in a rush, because he does not like the tone in Louis' voice and he does not want to fight with this boy. "Anything can trigger me to go from me or someone else, or vice versa. What triggered me this time was my mum’s death and it didn’t take me long to realise that I’m missing quite a lot of my memory from the past year or so and I just - I’m really sorry.”

    Louis has to sit back down. “Your mum died?” He feels awful for overreacting or whatever he was doing. He still doesn’t understand what is going on, but he is willing to put that aside in prioritizing to help his friend.

    “Yeah.” Harry’s voice is quieter now. He sits down next to Louis and looks down at his lap. “She went after me sometime last week and there was some sort of shooting and--” He can’t finish his sentence because his voice breaks.

    Not knowing what else to do, Louis takes Harry’s hand and squeezes it. “Hey,” he says softly. “I’m sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s not your fault.” Louis feels twice as awful now because Jamie - no, Harry - was meeting with him that day and if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Louis’.

    Harry lets out a sob and shakes his head. “She wanted to make sure I was safe and okay, and then she--”

    When Harry begins to cry Louis forgets that they do not technically know each other and he pulls Harry onto the couch beside him to hug and comfort him. “Shh,” Louis coos. “Mothers are always protective of their kids. I’m sorry that, that happened to her.”