36| Closure

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It wasn't long before the scene swarmed with Haven police and FBI. Alyssa watched the production from the back of an ambulance, the dizzying spectacle of crime scene specialists collecting evidence, taping off the segment of beach, the flow of bodies going in and out of the cabin was far more intriguing than any episode of CSI Las Vegas.

"Are you okay?"

Hearing the sharp question, Alyssa glanced away from the flashing penlight of the medic giving her a thorough inspection in the back of an ambulance. Ethan stood in the bright glare of the florescent lights spilling out from inside the vehicle, his face stoic and impassive. Unreadable.

She nodded slowly though the simple movement caused immeasurable pain. "Fractured ribs, shitload of internal bruising and a possible concussion, but other than that I'm peachy."

His lips set a little thinner as his gaze flickered from her to the EMT rooting around in his med-kit. "Can I have a moment with her?"

The EMT checked his watch, nodded. "Five minutes, then I've got to get her in for scans and some blood work." As she scuttled out, Ethan hauled himself in and slid on the padded bench, facing her. Suddenly the space within the ambulance contracted until Alyssa couldn't breathe there was too much feeling happening inside of her.

Relief. Fear. Love. Sorrow. Frustration. Guilt. All of it smushed together like playdough in a child's careless fist until all the bright colours blended into one dense, grey blob, impossible to separate or distinguish one colour from the other.

"Thank you," she rasped, her voice strained from Randy's chokehold. Livid bruises were already visible on her skin and she knew come tomorrow they would be dark, purple welts. Ethan said nothing for a long time, giving no indication he'd even heard her aside from the intensity of his eyes that held on to hers, unblinking.

"You don't have to thank me for doing my job," he said at last; a clipped statement that hurt almost as much as Randy's fists.

So, he was still angry with her. Fine, she could accept that. He had every right to be furious. The fact that he'd rode in and saved her life, faced down her demons didn't absolve her from breaking his heart.

"I would've killed him tonight. I would've pulled that trigger and ended a man's life. But then I would see Randy every time I looked in the mirror. As much as I wanted him to die, I realize now that killing him would mark me in a way that I could never escape from. He would haunt me. Not only did you save me from Randy, but his ghost as well. So yes, I do have to thank you, Ethan." She knew all too well about ghosts and the weight of having them shackled around your heart and soul. She'd only just escaped hers and didn't need to acquire new ones.

Blanket hugged around her shoulders, Alyssa shifted forwards, reached for his hands but he jerked away from her touch.

"I don't want to leave things like this between us."

"Are you still going back to Toronto?"

"I have to, Ethan. Now more so than ever."

Shock stretched his features, opened his narrowed eyes. "Why?"

She thought about it for a moment, sighed. "Closure."

He swallowed hard, hung his head. Clearly he didn't like it, but wasn't about to use his hurt as a stick to beat her anymore than she'd already been beaten. "When do you leave?"

"Soon as the doctor's give me the all clear, unless they discover I've punctured my kidney when I get to the hospital." She tried to laugh, but it hurt too much. Everything hurt and it had nothing to do with the bruises and everything to do with what was happening between them.

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