Acting vs reality (A Jamilla Story)

I Couldn't Say It

10 minutes later
Camilla's POV
I sit in the random chair at the corner of the room, looking out the window.
The phone rings, I answer.
'Hello?'
'Hey C.' David's voice beckons on the other side of the phone.
'David hey.' It's funny how many times you say hey on a phone call.
'So.. You going to tell me this guy.' I smirk to myself, my Lord. Is he going to leave it be.
'David..'
It goes silent for a minute. I hear the key in the door. James walks in. I cover the mouth piece on the phone and place my finger to my lips.
'Sssh.' David still thinks that I'm in this room on my own. I mean I could of told him I'm sharing with James but he'd presume things.
'Camilla?' I turn my attention back to the phone. James lies on the bed.
'Sorry, lines shit.' James laughs, I glare at him. He covers his mouth.
'Anyways you telling me?' I pause.
'C?'
'David, I can't..' It goes quiet again.
'Why? I'm not going to tell..'
'David I'm not telling you.'
'Please..' I hear how desperate he is, he feeds of gossip a bit like a tick feeds of blood.
'No, it's my business who I shower with. Not yours.' James sits up, knowing I'm talking about him now.
'Well.. Fine. How's James?' I shake my head.
'Ye, I guess he's ok. Not seen him, he's in his room.' Yet again James stares.
'Why didn't you share with him?'
I smirk, I did.
'Well, they only have double beds.. And well Ye.' James lies back down, he seems down about something.
'Camilla?' I get brought back to the phone.
'Yes?'
'I'm going now, see you on Monday.' O yea, I'm back on Monday.. Forgot about that.
'O ok bye.' I hang up the phone, looking a James lying with his back to me. Should I ask him if he's ok? I tuck my legs up and look out the window.
Silence slowly creeps in like a burglar in the night. It feels weird, tense.

5 minutes later.
Ok this is strange enough. I slowly get up and walk round to him. Sitting on the floor In front of him. I still feel a little drunk, I've sobered now. I don't know if James is. He slowly looks at me.
'Hey, you ok?'
'Ye, I'm fine.' I know he's lying somethings up, I look at his eyes. Captivating me, drawing me in. Suddenly my lips touch his, I pull back. Standing up and dashing to the window. Well done Camilla. Well done.
'I'm sorry, you have a girlfriend.'
I hit my head on the window, why am I such an idiot?
'Not anymore.'
I stop lifting my head up and turning to face him, he's already facing me.
I freeze, did he just.. What?'
'Sorry?'
'I'm not with her anymore.'
I slowly walk over to the bed and sit opposite him.
'How come?' I don't want to seem too direct. I knew something was up.
'Just didn't work, jobs..'
'O I see.' That's the reason me and my ex split. I get of the bed and walk back over to the window, a little disheartened. maybe in my mind I thought they'd split for another reason.. How silly.
Silence fills the room. Neither of us moving, I can still feel his glare on my back. I'm waiting for him to talk, maybe he's waiting for me to.
'James?'
'We didn't just split because of that.. I lied.'
I turn back to face him. He stands and walks over to the door, removing his jacket and stands facing me.
'Why.. Did you-'
'She told me she loved me.'
'And?' I feel like I know where this is going.
'I couldn't say it back.' He moves closer to me.
'Why?' He sits down on the unit. Placing his hands on his face.
'I didn't want to say something that wasn't true.' He slowly looks back at me, I walk over to him sitting across from him on the bed.
'I thought you loved her?'
'Maybe I did, once.' He weakly smiles his eyes filling.
'Did you, stop loving her?' He pauses, I smile.
'Emotions change.' A tear falls from his face.
'I suppose...'
'When you was with your ex did you stop loving him?' He wipes the tear trying to hide his emotions from me.
'Yes. I did.' He's right, I guess feeling change. It's easy to fall in love and even easier to fall out of it.
'Was there a reason?' Is he trying to justify what he's done?
'I..no, I just... Stopped.' I lie. Of course I had a reason. I just don't want to share it.
'O.' He lowers his head. I know how hurt he is, maybe he does need justification.. Maybe in my heart I still do.
'I did.' He looks up
'I did have a reason...'
He nods for me to continue, I hesitate.
'I fell for someone else. I hated myself for doing it so I told him it was because of our jobs-'
'What happened to the guy.' I look at him.
'He left my life for a long time. But he came back.' James looks out the window then back at me.
'Do you still have feeling for him?' Why is he asking me all these questions? I pause, saying nothing for a long time.
'Yes.' A tear falls from my face.
'Does he like you?' I shake my head.
'I don't know...'
'He should. He's stupid not to.' I smile.
'I'm just going to get a tissue.' I get up walking to the bathroom door.
'Camilla-'
'Yeah?' I don't know why I replied so quick, it was like I wanted him to say something. I turn to face him. We both stare for a few moments.
'I love you.' His words hit my ears.
I try to talk but no words come from my mouth, I don't even know what I feel. My mind is pulsing my heart is thumbing.
He loves me?