Black Glitter *Completed*

If I Have To

The next morning I was woken by the doorbell.

Slowly, I sat up. I didn't even need to think twice about who it was.

I snatched my satin robe up and wrapped it around myself, dashing out to the door. When I opened it, I wasn't at all shocked to find Adam standing there. His hair was a mess, his T shirt was rumpled, and his eye makeup was dark and smudged.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping it didn't sound as negative as it felt.

The stress and anxiety was clear on Adam's face. "I had to come to over and see if we're still friends. And to apologize about last night."

I slumped against the door-frame. "Adam, do you honestly think I was never going to to speak to you again just because of that? Of course we're still friends." I smiled. "Friends forever, remember?"

Adam exhaled, and a relieved grin relaxed onto his lips. "Thank God. I was so angry at myself I couldn't sleep."

"But Adam, that doesn't mean I don't have a few questions." I said, crossing my arms.

Adam ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. Can't say I didn't see that coming."

I stepped aside, motioning for him to come in. We wandered into the living room and Adam sat, but I remained standing.

"What did you want to ask?" Adam said warily.

"What made you kiss me last night?"

He was thoughtful as he answered. "Honestly, I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you. Was that so wrong?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. So, the attraction was still most likely one sided and Tommy was probably right; Adam was spontaneous and passionate. The only one in this scenario who had strong feelings was me.

"Well..." I mumbled. "I guess not. But Adam, you know who I am and how I live; I don't get involved with people unless there's a real chance." I bit my tongue; I couldn't get emotional now.

Adam's face was etched with compassion when he responded. "I know, Nix, believe me."

"Then Adam, are you trying to tell me something? Or was that really just for fun?"

It was the longest moment of my life. Adam and I stared at each other, and a thousand emotions crossed his face before settling on one.

I covered my mouth, stepping back from him. "Oh my God. You- you're-"

Adam stood up, desperation in his eyes. "Nix, please don't be mad at me. I- I have no idea what to do. I've never felt this way before."

"But what about Sauli, Adam?"

"I know... But I'll think about that later if I have to."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Wait a sec- you'd leave him for ME?"

He reached out cautiously and took my hand, his tone earnest. "If you want me, than yes, Nix. As hard as it would be, I would."

I looked down at our hands, so perfectly entwined, how warm and right it felt. Then I looked up at Adam, into his shining blue eyes, drawn closer to him.

"Are you sure? I don't want to screw up our friendship on nothing more then...then a lusting."

Adam moved his hand to my waist, leaning down. "It's more than that, believe me."

And for the second time- his lips touched mine, engulfing me in a frenzied heat I'd never felt before. When he pulled away, his blues eyes twinkled expectantly. I blushed, looking down at my feet. "I- I can't make up my mind now. I'm sorry, Adam."

He nodded, looking a little crestfallen. " I understand. I'll- I'll go, then." He turned and headed for the front door.

"Have a good time with Sauli this weekend," I said quietly.

Adam stopped to look at me. "You're not coming?" It sounded less like a question, and more like a fact he'd been waiting for.

I shook my head. "I think it's better if I don't, don't you think?"

"Of course I don't think that, but it's your choice."

And he left without another word, silently closing the door behind him.

I slumped onto the couch, my mind totally numb. All the times he'd said "I love you" or kissed me on the cheek, we'd both taken it different ways. It didn't make me uncomfortable like it would've with anybody else, but more like...sad. I felt bad that all this time he'd been hiding his feelings for me, and I'd just played along.

I stood up and went to my bathroom to take a shower. I needed to think, and then later on; house hunt.  

(Sorry this was so short! I still need to write a few scenes that happen a little while after this, so until then updates will be probably be shorter.)