Hope

Chapter Ten

Hebrews 10:23 (NIV) -- Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

My fingers drummed repeatedly on the wooden surface of my desk, and I kept glancing between my door and my phone. I haven't heard much from Alex today, and his few messages are unusually one-worded.

Tears kept threatened to fall and my heart would rise up to my throat. I couldn't shake the horrible feeling that Alex wanted to break up with me. I'm used to the signs: shortened messages, less enthusiasm, casual flirting decreased, and cryptically asking to hang out.

I assumed work and other aspects of life was stressing Alex out this week. I know that, personally, college homework put me in a grumpy mood. Alex acted so understanding, too.

Someone knocked on my door, and I flew to answer it. I expected to see Alex, but my neighbor and a member of the Biology study group stood in the hall.

She smiled at me. "Ryan," she asked, "were you going to come to the computer lab tonight?"

I shook my head. "My boyfriend asked to stop by. I think it's serious, so I should stay here."

Her dark eyes widened, and she awkwardly tucked a beaded braid behind her ear. "Oh yeah, I would definitely stay home. I'll be thinking of you."

"Thank you. It means a lot." I didn't want to shut the door on my classmate, so I stood there, looking anywhere but her.

"Ah, I should probably head off then. Bye Ryan," she said. I waved at her as she walked away before shutting the door and returning to my spot.

I tried to think of what I would do if Alex ended our relationship. I've barely loved a man, and my love for Alex is greater than I had imagined possible. I'm not sure if I could move on from a breakup like this...

More knocks interrupted my depressing thoughts, and I heard Alex's voice call out. "Ryan, I, Alex, am here."

Immediately when I swung open the door, I blurted out, "Please don't break up with me."

Alex blinked with shock. "Is that why you think I came?" I nodded, biting my tongue. Alex shook his head. "If that was my plan, I wouldn't have needed these." Moving his arms from out of slight, Alex brandished a bouquet of orchids.

I choked out a laugh and tightly hugged my boyfriend. "I love you so much. Don't scare me like that!"

Alex sighed into my neck and wrapped his arms tighter. "You don't need to be worried about me ending our relationship. I love you too much to do that."

I pulled him closer for a kiss, but Alex simply rested his forehead against mine. "Let's go, my love. Running on a time limit here. Grab a jacket."

Alex takes me to a old botanical garden-turned-park. He was quiet and tense during the car ride, so I asked if something was wrong.

"I do have bad news," he told me, and I had gulped in response. I played with the sleeves of my jacket to avoid looking back up.

Alex and I held hands as we strolled down a worn path. The wind was plucking leaves from the trees, before they spiraled down to the ground. He lead me towards a picnic blanket arranged with small treats and sandwiches. I wanted to immediately sit down and hear his news, but I trusted he would share when he was ready.

We finished our food. I had my head resting on his thighs, and he absentmindedly played with my hair.

Alex took a deep breath and said, "I should have been expecting this. Before graduation, I was prepared for this possibility. But now it's here, too soon. It's happening, and I don't want it because I'm not prepared. Not anymore."

Alex kept rambling until I cut him off. "Alex, are you pregnant?" I tried to awkwardly diffuse the tension.

Alex laughed softly. "I'll miss your sense of humor."

I moved to sit up, but Alex still had a grip on my hair. "Missing me? I thought we weren't breaking up!"

I watched tears spring into the corners of Alex's eyes, and his voice cracked. "But I am leaving. The military. I'm being sent away."

"Oh," I said in a hushed voice. My heart plummeted to my stomach. "Oh," I repeated even softer as it sank in.

Alex brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "I've been selected, one of 20, to track and hunt down members of a low-key terrorist group. That's all I can say. I won't return for a couple months, at the earliest."

"This was the call you took on Wednesday?" I muttered out. I'm surprised I haven't completely broke down yet.

"That's the one."

I looked up into Alex's bloodshot eyes and tightened my grip on his hand. It hurt my soul to see him upset. "Kiss me?" I requested.

Like a good boyfriend, Alex kissed me tenderly, and I swear I felt his love pass through our connected lips. Salty tears dripped onto my cheeks, so I broke the connection to wipe them away.

"I can't leave you," Alex choked out.

"You need to," I reassured him, hand cupping his cheek. "People like you keep the rest of us safe and secure and free. I can sleep easy at night because soldiers eliminate threats." Alex started to look away but I chased his gaze. "I will stay behind, as your backbone, your love, waiting for you to return to my arms."

Alex gripped me in a crushing hug. "Us soldiers... we fight for girls like you. You are what will keep me going. Every step, my thoughts will be consumed by you. I will return home to you."

It was my turn to have tears spill from my eyes. "Do you promise to come home?"

"Nothing will stop me."

"My life is finally looking up. I can't lose you, and I hope to see you safe and sound in a couple months."

"Don't hope, Ryan. Have faith that I will come back. Have faith, ask God for help, and pray often. The God I love won't separate us. He worked too hard on us."

Anyone observing from the outside might have snapped a picture. Alex and I sat, wrapped around each other, hearts beating, foreheads touching, and lips mere centimeters apart. I breathed him in and let out a sob.

"I will pray. Every night that you are gone, I will pray for your safe return."

"That means more to me than any other four-letter word. I love you, Ryan."

In that moment, I physically felt my world change. I wouldn't get to hold onto Alex for quite some time. I won't hear his voice every day, and I don't know the next time I will be able to kiss him.

But my love won't fade; it will only intensify.

In that moment, I resolved to send Alex sweet letters and care packages. He won't miss me because I'll make sure my love is constantly sent his way.

He gave me something to believe in, and it's my turn to do the same.

A/N: *breathes out* did that seem intense to you too, or was it just me being completely dumb?? Please tell me if it's unrealistic or needs to be toned down...

Happy summer! -Carrington