car radio::malum

vi

4.36PM

we enjoyed our afternoon together and he went home. i forgot to ask him if hes straight. dammit.

like the idiot i am.

now that i think about it, i never got anxiety that much when i was with him. i guess hes my new escape? my new source to drown out these thoughts?

im delusional.

whats so delusional about that?

why would he care about me? 'new escape'? yeah right.

i shrugged and walk upstairs. i take long slow strides to bathroom, not wanting to shower. i close the door and lock it. i strip from my clothing and turn on the shower water. i stand in the shower, waiting for my body to adjust to the cold water. i washed my hair, a small bit of red hair dye coming out. i put shampoo on my hand and massaged my scalp. once i rinsed it out, more hair dye came out, but not too much.

calum. hes so cute. but, is he straight? if he is, i think i'll cry.