Chapter 23

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Its been 6 days. Six days he's been in a coma. I missed my flight to Europe because of him. And honestly, I don't know if I'll ever go. Maybe I will take the year off, or maybe I'll be in the beautiful historic buildings of Spain by next week. But I won't know, until he is awake. I can't just leave while he is suffering a coma. I can't. Thats barbaric! He is in this coma because of me. He saved my life.

I visited every chance I got. That first night I saw him, he looked hopeless. He had a tube down his throat helping him breath . It was long and surrounded one the top corners of the bed. He had red wires sticking out of his gown, you know those wires that have the stickers on them and are put all over the chest? Those. I saw the bandage poking out of his hospital gown, the bandage that was wrapped around the left shoulder area, which was where he was shot. I couldn't stand to look at him for long, because then I would start to cry and have all those negative thoughts go through my mind. Thoughts about how I should be in the position he is in. Thoughts about how I should be suffering and on the verge of dying, not him. He doesn't deserve this, he never did. Why did I always end up in this position? Thinking everything was my fault? It isn't. Its all A's fault. I felt the same way when Spencer was in a coma and I feel no different with Mike.

Then again, I had to stay there and be with him, instead of go home and stay useless in my room just like when Spencer was in this position. Everyday I would be able to stay in that room longer and longer and stare at him. Yeah it sounded creepy, but if he was going to die soon, thats what I wanted to do. I want tone able to see the love of my life. Only two days ago, I reached the point to where I could finally hold his hand. Now I am able to sit down everyday, hold his hand and just stare at him. Not saying a word.

Today was day 7. For the past 6 days, I always came in sweats or leggings. I was comfortable, but today was different. As I was getting dressed, I felt different. I felt like it was about time for me to start moving on from all this and I wasn't going to feel better if I was bumming every day over my boyfriend...no my best friend. So I put on a flowy sundress instead of sweatpants. I straightened my hair instead of wrap it in a messy bun. And I put on sandals, instead of slippers.

I walked into the hospital room, that was lit by the summer sun shining through the windows.
I sat down beside him, and took his hand. Then I started to smile. I smiled because I started to remember times we had together. The happy times, the sad ones and even the ones when we were in a fight about something stupid.

I remember one day, it was before A started to become a part of my life. It was when I visited Rosewood from California with my parents. I was around 15. I remember sitting down on the same couch that we have near the fireplace just reading. I heard the door knock, and I went to open it, and there he was. Standing there with his cute white bright smile that could easily lighten up anyone's day. And at that time, we were still best friends, and there was nothing going on between us. But that day, he looked at me, like I was the prettiest girl in the world. Like someone who he wanted to call his own.

"What?" I said oblivious at the time.

"Nothing." He said smiling. "Um stopped by to ask if you wanna go hang at the Brew?"

"Sure." I smile back.

I remembered that time, being the first time that I realized, I secretly had a thing for him. Secretly had a thing for my best friend. I thought it was weird to think that, but now thats its been over two years, its not weird at all.

There was another memory, that made me smile. This happened about a month or so after I was shot, almost two months since I moved to Rosewood and about a year since my parents died. I was sitting at the edge of the pool, with only my feet in. It was late, and I was alone thinking about all the terrible things that happened to me, and what I could have possibly down to deserve this. Now I realize it wasn't my fault, it was just A's psychotic mind. Yet at that moment, I didn't know that.

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