Paper Hearts

THEN:Chapter 25

“Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”  - Jodi Piccoult

Eden:

To tell you the truth, I thought taking care of a baby was going to be a lot harder than it actually was. I knew that some mothers had terrible struggles with their own newborns, and I respected that, but George and I...we fit. He was a part of me and I a part of him, and the inseparability of our natures made me so happy to be with him. I rarely actually wanted to give him up for visitors to hold – and there were many visitors. There were also my parents who, despite their reservations, clearly adored him – Dad especially! They offered to look after him on an almost daily basis; it was me that said no, I was happy to do it myself.

Ms Hugo came to visit when George was two weeks old. She insisted that I call her Victoria, when we weren’t at school, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. It’s hard to kick the habit of a lifetime, I suppose.

George was asleep in my arms when she arrived, and I was still walking around in the baggy checked shirts I’d worn throughout my pregnancy. Her eyes widened when she saw George; I knew she didn’t have much experience with young children – or care to, in fact – and she almost looked as though she’d never seen a baby before. If I hadn’t known better, I certainly would have suspected that she hadn’t.

“Wow. He’s...small”

I grinned, “Yeah, he is. But loud. And fidgety! Come in”

She looked at me warily, “I expect you’ve not had much time for studying”

“I’ve had more time than I would have liked – all my family and friends keep wanting to play with him and look after him and whatnot, so while they do that I get to sit down with my textbooks!”

She laughed at the grimace on my face, “I must admit, I’m glad to hear it. Though of course I would have understood if you’d fallen behind”

“Of course” her eyes were still fixed on the sleeping George, and I extended my arms a little, “Do you want to hold him?”

She looked alarmed, “I – Oh, I – I don’t know”

“Go on. Please? He’ll be seeing a lot of you, he’ll need to get used to you”

She cradled him gingerly in her arms, taking especial care to avoid the weaker points on his head. He stirred slightly in his sleep and she looked anxious, but he continued to peacefully dream.

“Mum says we shouldn’t keep holding him to get him to sleep, because otherwise we’ll never get to put him down, and she’s right – but I just want to hold him all the time! And so does everyone else. So it doesn’t really work out”

Ms Hugo laughed; her face was softening, “I can see why. He’s a beautiful baby”

I beamed, “He is, isn’t he?”

“He looks very like you”

I shrugged, “You think so? He looks more like...well, like his father. You wait until he opens his eyes!”

We fell silent for a few moments, both of us with our fixed upon my baby boy.

“Will you be Godmother?” I asked her, “You and Em, of course, there’s no-one I’d like better – “

Her head snapped up; she looked as excited as a schoolchild, “Yes. Yes! I’d love to; it would be an honour. If you’re sure there’s no-one else...”