Paper Hearts

THEN: Chapter 9

"And if you can't come into the room without my feeling all over a ripple of flame, and if, wherever you touch me, a heart beats under your touch, and if, when you hold me, and I don't speak, it's because all the words in me seem to have become throbbing pulses, and all my thoughts are a great golden blur" - Edith Newbold Jones.

Eden:

I left Ollie for a couple of hours the next morning, just to go and update my Mum on what was happening. But when I opened my mouth to tell her, I couldn't get the words out. Instead, I burst into tears.

"Oh, Eden, sweetheart" Mum held me, rocking me like a baby as I sobbed uncontrollably onto her shoulder, "I'm sorry, I know how you feel about him. How much you love him"

"Then - if you understand, Mum, can I - can I stay with him? Just until he leaves on Sunday? Please?"

Mum drew back to scrutinise the desperation on my face. There was a slight twinkle of amusement in her eye.

"Oh, so you're asking my permission now?"

I blushed, looked up at her with fear, "Mum, I'm sor-"

"It's alright. I never tried to stop you, did I?" she sighed, heavily, "Okay. I don't have much choice in the matter, do I? But be careful, Eden, for God's sake" she squeezed me fiercely, clinging on to the last remainders of her little girl, and further hot tears leaked from my eyes.

I nodded, swiping the tears away quickly, "Of course. I just want to forget about him leaving, Mum, just for the next six days. I just want to enjoy him before he goes"

Mum smiled, much to my surprise, though she still didn't look entirely pleased, "I understand. Go and pack"

We didn't do very much that week. We went for a few walks, had a cup of coffee in the cafe where we had met, but most of the time we just stayed indoors. We talked a lot, as if we were worried that we'd never have the chance to share all these things again, and read a lot, and laughed a lot...and went to bed a lot. I didn't want the week to end, because I knew that even though the end of the week was not the end of us, I couldn't deny the fact that I would feel lost without him. No matter how many letters we exchanged, no matter how many times he managed to call me (Ollie promised he would do so whenever he got the chance), no matter if he managed to connect the bases' computer to Skype or not, it was still going to be hard. Not to speak directly to him or to see him smile or to touch him...

Our last night together came far too quickly. We had tiptoed around the subject all week, but time was running out, and we had to face up to the fact that in the morning we would have to part. 

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Ollie asked with a small smile. I couldn't resist a laugh, though it was a little edgy and shrill. 

"A million times. Have I told you that I feel the same?"

"A million times" Ollie echoed,  making me laugh all over again as he drew me close. Our bodies seemed to melt into one when he touched my waist. We were so in tune, Ollie and I. So...so inseperable. Yet we would be separate, the very next day. 

I'd bought candles, hoping for some added romance, but Ollie reminded me that I was so clumsy I'd probably end up burning my hair off from one of their flames at one point or another, so we agreed not to use them. Our eyes shone in the light from the lamp as Ollie slipped down the straps of my dress to kiss the exposed flesh, pulling me directly against him, chaining me to him with his arms like he would never let me go - even if I had wanted to go, which I didn't.

We did not sleep at all. We barely even spoke. There were no more words, no need to talk; there are some moments in life when words are simply not adequate, and this was one of them. The only thing that it existed was me and Ollie and the urgent desire for us to know every inch of one another before the morning light. Every time I thought it was over our lips would collide again in another frantic kiss, his hands all over me, the taste of him on my tongue. 

The night did not, could not, last forever. When the time came for us to rise and dress, we were facing each other under the rumpled duvet. Ollie traced the curve of my lips when I smiled at him, weakly.

"I guess this is it"

"It's not the end" he replied, and his eyes fixed on my face, committing the exact shade and shape of my eyes to memory, just as I had done with his.

"I know"

"And we still have the journey to the station. Before we really say goodbye"

"Last night was our real goodbye" I leaned over to kiss his forehead, "And I wouldn't have it any other way"

Ollie:

We dressed in silence, drove to the station in silence. Even when Neon Trees started playing on the radio, Eden didn't smile or start singing along - for the first time, I missed hearing her awful nails-scraping-on-a-blackboard singing voice. 

I bought coffee and sandwiches for the train - the journey from London to Surrey wasn't hugely long, but we hadn't eaten since lunchtime the previous day and I was suddenly starving. Eden drank all her coffee but only picked at the sandwich - the only thing I saw her eat was a stray chunk of tomato. She looked queasy.

After a few minutes, when the train was speeding along the track, she got up from the seat opposite me and sat on my seat instead, leaning her head against my shoulder.

"Tell me something interesting that you've never told me before"

I reached up to stroke her hair, "Like what?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything"

"The last time I saw my Dad, we yelled at each other"

She moved her head to look up at me, her eyes ringed with tiredness and wide with sadness, "You did? What about?"

"The fact that I never went to school. He told me I was clever, that I could do well if I tried. He said he was sick of having a failure as a son"

Eden gasped, "Oh! Ollie - I'm sure he didn't mean that. He shouldn't have said that"

"He was right, though. I was failing. That's one of the other reasons I joined the Army. To avenge him, and to show him I wasn't failing anymore"

"Oh" she didn't say anything after that, so I asked her a question instead.

"Tell me something, then. About you"

She looked up, shrugged, smiled a little, "Like what? Nothing ever happened to me until you came along"

"Flatterer. Seriously. Tell me something"

She shrugged again, arm brushing against my side, "Nothing to tell"

"How did you and Emma meet?"

She grinned, then; her face lit up. Her and Emma were like sisters, and their relationship had always intrigued me.

"I had a fight for her"

I snorted and almost spat out my coffee, "What?! Why?"

"She already had a best friend - we were eight at the time - and I didn't like her best friend because she used to boss Emma about a lot. I don't think Emma liked her much either, to be honest. So I told her best friend that she was a bully and she was a meanie, and she didn't deserve to have Emma for her best friend. Then I pushed the girl in the mud, and Emma and I were best friends from that day on. Emma got to be the boss for once. I don't mind"

She was smiling as she remembered, and I was laughing.

"You pushed the poor girl in the mud?! Eden Copley, I never took you for a violent child!"

"I wasn't! I just wanted Emma to be my best friend" she leaned into me again, wrapping her arms around my torso.

And then we started to talk. I mean, really talk. There suddenly seemed to be so much to say. Our voices combined in a hurried, dancing melody. Words poured into the air between us, things we had somehow never gotten around to saying before. It seemed that we had wasted time with so many empty words when these things were so much more important.

The train pulled into the station at Surrey all too soon. People looked at me in my uniform when I stood up. Eden looked me up and down appreciatively, then winked - and took my hand as we stepped off the train.