As I lay down on the couch of my apartment I thought about the last time Austin said my name. I was stuck in this crummy apartment because of him. I slowly stood up took all my cigarets and threw them out the window. I cleaned up my apartment and it was as good as ever. "Well that is the first step to recovery," I say out loud and proud. I lay back down on my couch and thought about everything that I had done wrong and how to fix it. The fire was the first thing I was going to fix but I didn't know how. I slowly closed my eyes and drifted asleep. Maybe a goodnight sleep would help me think.
It was the next day and when I woke up I thought that I wasn't in the right apartment because of how clean it was. Slowly getting up I walked over to my phone. Scrolling through all my contacts I didn't know who to call. I had no boyfriend anymore and no friends besides Bailey, but Bailey was off with her other friends. I just laid back down to wait for something even the slight bit interesting to happen. After an hour of just sitting and staring at the ceiling I got up and started pacing around the room. While pacing around the room I thought about starting over. I wanted to start my life over. If I could change one thing, I would change the fact that I was not being true to myself or to others about who I was. I was a good person. I didn't smoke, I never told a lie, and surprisingly I barley cursed. I would have never ended up like the way I am now.
Hours pass and I decide I am going to get fresh air. Something I haven't had in a long time. I throw on my black jacket and walk out the door. I pull the hood of the jacket over my head and shove my hands into the pockets. Walking up and down the streets I see families and friends laughing and smiling. I wanted to be as happy as they were. Sharing memories with them, sharing love and happiness. Why couldn't I be like that? I mean there has to be someone out there that I can share my love and happiness with. Someone that I can share more than just secrets with, someone who I can trust my life with, someone just like me. Struggling to survive in this messed up world. Someone who I can relate and move forward with. Someone who understands.
