After 2

Chapter 133.

Hardin's POV.

When I turn around my mum is standing in the living room grasping a mug of coffee between her hands and her eyes are bloodshot.

"Where were you?" I ask her.

"The bathroom." She says, her voice cracking.

"How could you tell Tessa to go? To leave me?" I say. I knew she would be disappointed but when she agreed with Tessa's mum was too much.

"Because Hardin, you aren't good for her. You know you aren't. I don't want to see her end up like Natalie, or the others."

"Do you know what will happen to me if she leaves me mum? I don't think you understand.. I can not be without her. I know I am not good for her and I regret what I did to her every single time I look at her but I can be good for her. I know I can be." I walk to the middle of the living room. Pacing back and forth.

"Hardin.. you have never been emotional this way, are you sure you aren't just feeding into your own game right now?"

"No mum.." I try to keep calm.

"This isn't a game to me, not this time. I love her, I really love her. I love her more than I can even begin to tell you because I don't even understand it myself. I never thought I could or would feel this way. All I know is that she is my only shot at happiness, if she leaves me I will never recover. I won't mum. She is the only chance I have to not be alone for the rest of my life. I don't know what the fuck I did to deserve her, nothing I know, but she loves me. Do you know how that feels to have someone love you despite all the fucked up shit you do? I am nothing compared to her, she is way too good for me and she loves me. I have no fucking clue why but she does. She is always there for me mum, she always forgives me even when she shouldn't, she always says the right thing, she calms me but challenges me, she makes me want to be a better man. I know I am a shitty person, I know that. I have done so much shit but Tessa can't leave me, I don't want to be alone anymore and I will never love anyone again, she is it for me. I know it. She is my ultimate sin mum, and I will gladly be damned for her." I am out of breath by the time I finish and my mum's cheeks are wet and she is staring behind me.

I turn to find Tessa with her hands at her sides, her eyes wide and her cheeks just as wet as my mum's.

"I am going to go out for a little while.. give you two some privacy." My mum says, walking over to the door to retrieve her shoes and coat.

"Keys?" She asks. I point to the rack above her head and she nods.

There aren't many places for her to go on Christmas Eve, especially in the snow but I need to be alone with Tessa right now. As soon as my mum is out the door I pad across the room to her.

"What you said.. just now.. you meant it?" She asks through her tears.

"You know I did." I tell her.

The corners of her lips turn up and she reaches across the small space between us to put her hand on my chest.

"I need to know what you did." She speaks.

"I know.. just promise me that you will try to understand.."

"Tell me Hardin."

I nod and walk over to the couch, I need to be sitting to tell her this shit. She sits down and crosses her legs less than two feet away from me.

"Okay.." I take a deep breath. I don't know where the fuck to start.

Tessa's POV.

Hardin's face is pales and he rubs his hands over his knees before he speaks.