The Downfall of the 'It Girl'

Danged if I do.....danged if I don't....

 “I would appreciate a head’s up if there are any lingering feelings from you towards him. I went against my better judgment, knowing that getting involved with you was a mistake. You need to decide if you want to prove me wrong.” Calvin’s words kept echoing on repeat in my mind.

My heart’s first reaction was for me to get up and chase after him, but the sometimes logical part of my mind told me to just let him go. Let him have his space, let him get some air and clear his mind, to cool off. But was he actually on to something? Were there any lingering feelings towards Landon on my end? 

Without hesitation, my mind screamed, NO! OF COURSE THERE ISN’T, YOU IDIOT! 

But was that the entire truth? Oh, how I wished that I had a girlfriend that I could mull this over with. But there was no one. Not a soul. Only Calvin, a small voice inside my head whispered. Yes. Only Calvin, it seemed. 

The tears that had welled up in my eyes finally made good on their threat to overflow,  streaming freely down my cheeks. Quickly hanging my head, and forming a sort of teepee blockade with my arms on the table in front of me, I gave in to all of the emotions that had been built up inside of me for so long. 

“Uh, Jenna?” 

That voice. The voice that I knew all too well. The voice that belonged to the person solely responsible for my current situation. Why? Why right now? What on Earth could he possibly need at this incredibly inconvenient moment? Glancing up, my eyes confirmed what my mind and ears already knew: Landon. Landon was standing next to me, for whatever reason he had, I didn’t know, but at this exact second, I didn’t care, either. 

“Landon, right now is really not a good time, okay?” I managed to squeak out, returning to my previous position with my head drooped down.

“I, uh, was throwing trash away…and saw…well, that Calvin guy seemed pretty pissed. And you seemed upset, so I just thought that…I don’t know…that I’d come over and see…..if, you know…if you were….alright, or whatever…” I listened as his words spat and sputtered from his mouth. 

This is new for him, flashed through my mind, and just as quickly, I disregarded it. Landon could be quite the actor when he really wanted to be. Sometimes I really thought that Broadway was definitely calling his name. There could most definitely be an Oscar in the distant future with his name all over it with some of the performances I’d seen him put on in the past.

“You….what?” I asked, looking up, fresh tears welling up, once again threatening to spill from my eyes. I was a complete and total mess, and Landon coming over here with all of his confusion and irritation wasn’t exactly the thing I needed, or wanted, right now. 

“It just seemed like…I just wanted to make sure…” he started, and then paused. His face was contorted like he was having an argument with himself inside his head. “I just wanted to check and make sure that you were okay,”  he finally blurted seconds later. Good grief, what was going on with him?

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” I huffed out, feeling the irritation bubbling up inside of me. Once again returning to my ‘head down, arm-teepee up’ position, my senses informed me that Landon had sat down across from me where Calvin had been seated earlier. A second or two later, a couple of napkins were slid silently across the table between my two arms that were the ‘posts’ of my ‘teepee.’ This was his gesture at being ‘sweet,’ I already knew. 

Releasing a silent breath, I picked up the napkins, swiping one across my nose, and then dabbing the other at each eye. From out of almost nowhere it seemed, an overwhelming burst of anger shot up inside of me. “Why are you really here, Landon?” the words flew from my mouth with an intense fierceness that I never realized that I had.