The Downfall of the 'It Girl'

What are these......feelings I'm....feeling...??!

“….And then I told her that she needed to find somebody else to cry to, because I was so over it all…” I tuned out as Amber’s incessant chatter rambled on. Something about some girl drama on the cheerleading squad or something. Not anything worth my time or attention, anyway.

What WAS on my mind, though, was Jenna. Why couldn’t I get her out of my head? Why did her brilliant smile accompany me every night while I slept? With a fierce shake of my head, I tried erasing her image from my mind.

“You don’t want to go, Landon?” 

“Huh? Go where? When?….what?” I asked, turning my attention to Sandler, my best friend. Well, best guy friend, anyway. 

“To Doug’s house tonight. He’s having a party,” Sandler said, his facial features twisted in confusion. I’ll admit, I hadn’t really been my usual self lately. Ever since Jenna and I had split up…. 

Snapping back to the here and now, I focused every ounce of my being that I could towards Sandler. “What time is everyone showing up?” 

“Around seven or so. Dude, Landon, what’s wrong? You look like you’re in serious need of dropping a deuce or something…” Sandler replied, his voice trailing off as his eyes gave me a once-over.

“Ah, no,” I said, some sort of noise exploding from my mouth that was a mix between a cough and a snort/laugh. “Definitely good in that department, man. Thanks for caring, though.” A small smirk began spreading over my lips as I gave Sandler a friendly “guy punch” on his upper arm. Then, out of the corner of my eye, something suddenly caught my attention: Jenna and her new boyfriend (or whatever he thought he was), Calvin Something-Or-Another. Gathering the little bit of trash I could from our table’s scarce lunch, I made my way to a trashcan, hoping that the others at the table wouldn’t notice my absence, or what I had actually gotten up for.

“Aww, look at Landon…being all ‘green’ and shit!” I heard Amber erupt into hysteric giggles at James’ sorry attempt at being comedic. James was fairly new to our group, and was trying to find a ‘place’ amongst our clique. I wasn’t entirely sure how or why he hung out with us, and he seemed alright for the most part, I supposed. 

Tapping the lunch tray a couple of times to help discard of any resisting trash, I placed the plastic tray on top of the lid, and watched what seemed to be some sort of altercation between Jenna and the new beau. I watched as the Calvin guy said something (rather angrily, it seemed), and then stormed off towards another trashcan, disposing of his own lunch remains. Taking a cautious step forward, I watched as he slammed his hand into one of the cafeteria doors, exiting the lunchroom. Glancing quickly over my shoulder, a small sigh of relief escaped my lips as I realized that not a single person from my table was paying one lick of attention to me, or what I was or was not doing…or about to do. 

With a deep breath, I put on my “Landon’s Lady Façade” and made my way over to Jenna. The façade dissipated a little as I realized how upset she had become within a matter of seconds. Did she really have feelings for this Calvin guy? Could she really be over me that quickly? I felt something inside my chest that I wasn’t the least bit familiar with. It felt like I was being stabbed right in my chest by some invisible knife one second, and an instant later, it felt as though my entire chest cavity were about to collapse in on itself. Placing my right palm over my chest, I took a couple deep breaths, hoping and praying that I wasn’t about to encounter what a full blown heart attack was like. 

Relief instantly washed over me as both sensations dissipated as quickly as they had arrived. Whew, whatever that was, I was more than positive that I never wanted to experience those pains ever again.