Brielle
Chris didn't come to bed at night again, I feel like he's acting out for nothing . We been having kids out the wood works since we had Mijo . Seems like every two damn years I'm pregnant, Mijo is four, Caeden is two, the twins are about to be two soon . I don't want to have a baby right now when I'm trying to figure out my life, I don't know whether I want to keep working or should I be home with my family . A baby would play in affect to my second choice but I don't want to be forced to be home because I'm pregnant, if I'm even pregnant . All I want to do enjoy my youth, luckily I'm able to do that still . If I was never with Chris and was impregnated by somebody else, I would most likely be a struggling single mother have to work damn hard to take care of my family not being able to enjoy my life because I gave it up to take care of another life . Because of who I'm married to and what he's provided for me I can do whatever I want and still enjoy my family . That's all I'm trying to do right now, do for myself and myself only .
"Baby number what, 5 ? I lost count, I knew it was a matter of time you right on schedule ." Dr. Hill smiled prepping everything
"I just came to see if it's real ."
"You don't seem excited, talk to me ." he said stopping to listen to what I had to say
"I'm not excited, honestly I kind of hope nothing is in there . I don't want to sound selfish because I love my kids and I love being pregnant, I just don't want to be pregnant right now . I'm at a crossroad in my life, I'm trying to figure out where and I need to be . I don't want a baby to get in the way of my decision, I'm not saying I don't want to ever have anymore kids but not right now ."
"How does Chris feel about it ?"
"He asked me if I wanted him to come here with me, I told him I can handle this by myself . He ain't been to bed in two nights, I don't know what his problem is ."
"Maybe as a man his self esteem is a little crushed, you saying you don't want a baby right now probably makes him believe that he's the problem . If you tell him exactly why you don't want a baby at this moment he'll understand ."
"I told him, our communication has been off though . I'll figure something out, right now I need to know if I'm pregnant ."
"Alright, if you are do you know what you want ?"
"Of course a girl ." I smiled
"How is she ?"
"She's the sweetest thing ever I swear, she loves her daddy more than anything ."
As we talked about Ava he hooked up the machine and scanned for a fetus growing inside me, there was no baby though . It was a big weight lifted off my shoulders, I gave him a hug goodbye not knowing when I'll be seeing him again I left to get back to the babies I already have .
"What's the verdict ?" he asked
I smiled "I'm not pregnant ."
I think a smile along with negative news was not what he wanted to hear, cause he showcased a quick smile that disappeared in 2 seconds and he walked away from me . I felt let out for some reason .
He went upstairs and soon after I followed him, when I walked in the room he had his back facing me I startled him causing him to jump when he heard the sound of my voice .
"I think we starting to slip again, we haven't been ourselves with each other and I don't like it . I feel like you feeling some type of way because I didn't want you to come with me to my appointment ."
"It's your body, you make the rules ."
"What does that mean ?"
"Take it as whatever you want ."
