Brielle
All had been forgiven, it really did hurt me that he decided to sleep at home instead of coming through for me . He could've slept in the audience, no lie I would have been a little hurt if he did that too but at least he still would've been there instead of home . I never skip a beat when it comes to Chris, unless the kids interfere in the way . It's over with now though, we came to our understanding now we're moving on for the better . Chris and I went out for the day just him and I, I was geared up in all Black Pyramind and my favorite Air Jordan 12's . We were goofing off and messing around with each other, I spent time with him sipping on a coke as he did a little graffti . He did a little something something and painted a small picture of my face within the mural, probably still trying to get on my good side but he was already there . We shared a chili dog that ended up tearing his stomach apart, I laughed my ass off at him as he raced home to use the bathroom . When we got home though I didn't get out the car, I needed to go pick up the kids . Mijo, Josiah, and Ava was at Chris's moms house while Caeden was at my parents . He was sick, I didn't want him giving it away to the others .
When Caeden sick he cries a lot for no damn reason, he wants to play but he can't cause he don't feel good . Everything seems to get on his nerves, he don't want to talk to nobody but me . I made him something to eat, he threw that up . Thank god it was on tile flooring, easy to clean up . I decided to make him some of my Grandmothers special soup .
"Noooo, I don't want it ." he whined and cried
"It's going to make you feel better ."
"It's nasty ."
"It's not nasty, this won't make you throw up baby come on . I don't have all day for this ."
"I don't want it, leave me alone ." he said kicking his legs on the floor
"Caeden, you already know how this is going to go let's go ."
I yolked him up and sat him in my lap crossing my legs so he can't escape, I forced him to eat it scoop by scoop till he was willingly able to open his damn mouth and eat it himself . I catered to him all night, till he went to sleep by then everybody else was sleep as well .
"Took you long enough ." Chris said as I entered the room from washing my hands
I crawled from the bed to lay on op of him, he began playing through my hair which is the highlight of my days when he does that . I smiled as I closed my eyes laying on his chest, I began laughing thinking about earlier .
"What's so funny ?" he asked
"You damn near shitted on yourself ." I said still laughing
"That's the last time I share a chili dog with you, you germs must have infected me or some shit . Never again, that shit tore me up ."
"You going boo boo didn't have shit to do with me, you got the bubble guts ." I said continuing to laugh
Chris was beginning to respond, I suddenly began to feel sick my damn self . My cheeks was filling up with saliva, telling me that I was about to throw up .
"Next time you got to go boo boo imma hold you down so you practically shit on - ." I cut him
I put my hand up to his face silencing him "Shut up !"
"Wha - ?" he was saying
I ran to the bathroom within our bedroom and keeled down to the toilet, every time when I thought it was stopping it kept on coming . When I finished, I brushed me teeth and laid in the bed not touching or looking at Chris at that point I wanted to sleep .
"You alright ?"
"I don't know, I think I caught what Caeden has ."
"You think it might be something else, like maybe you pregnant again ?"
I rolled over and looked at him, it took a minute for me to answer "I don't know, to be honest Chris . I don't want to have any kids right now ."
I felt like that instantly hit him, I think he was feeling a little insulted .
"Why ?"
"Cause, we have four kids already and we have Ava now . I just don't think now is the time to start having more, obviously if I am I'm going to grow to be happy with it ."
"What you mean grow to be happy with it ?"
"I don't want to have another baby right now, there's nothing more to that . If I am pregnant then during the pregnancy I will grow more into it, I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Hill just incase ."
"You want me to go with you ?"
"I can handle this by myself ."
Honestly, I'm not trying to hurt his feelings if that's the mission I accomplished . I don't want him to come with me because I'm okay with going by myself . It could've just been my imagination but I was feeling feverish, I was clammy and not in my best mood . The mood was set between us, I felt like he was mad at me or something, I wasn't very touchy feely with him either though .
Chris
I went downstairs in the basement and sat down there thinking, I did something I don't really do and instead of smoking the weed with my shit I popped 2 Molly's . Knowingly soon it would set in my system, I made myself comfortable on the couch just starting at the wall . Why wouldn't she want to have another baby ? Financially we good and always will be good so I know that's not the problem, I take care of all my kids so I know damn well that's not the problem either . I'm not doing no wrong, well nothing that would look bad on her behave . Usually when she get pregnant something is around the corner, I don't know what her problem is . And if she is pregnant, why the hell wouldn't she want me to come with her ? Shit, I would like to be there too . The Molly was sprung on my ass quicker than I thought, I falling asleep and ended up sleeping down there . In the morning time, I felt like we had a distance between us .
"You look like you didn't sleep last night ." she said
"I didn't really ."
"Why didn't you come to bed last night ?"
"I was doing something downstairs, didn't feel like getting up ."
"Oh ." she said looking down at the counter as we stood in the kitchen
"Whens your appointment ?"
"Tomorrow at 11 ."
All these short answers were riding both our nerves, it's like we both wanted to say something but nothing was going to come up .
I went to Hood's to get a refill on what I needed, it's dangerous as hell picking this shit cause if I get pulled over and a cop starts suspecting some shit my life is over . I can't say no though, it's come to the point where I haven't done shit lately but get high . When I'm not high I'm scared and I don't know how to take things, when I'm high I don't give a damn about nothing . Nobody can tell me shit when I get to my own little world .
I didn't come to bed again that night, I was down stairs popping Molly's . It's a lot of side effects to this shit, the chemical effects me by either makes me really tired or sometimes it breaks me down and makes me cry . Tonight was that night for a break down, I was tearing up like crazy . That's the shit I can't take from this, I want stop but I don't at the same damn time .
