The Box Of Truth #Wattys 2016

IX- Closure

28/5/1995

Dear Laith,

It's been awhile hasn't it. Though for you reading this it probably hasn't. This is the final one this time. This is my last letter and then I'll leave you in peace. I promise.

I'm stable now. Not over you, but stable. I'm picking up a few of my things from ou- your apartment soon so I don't have much time. Hopefully you'll see these letters soon after I've left them there and finally get closure. I know that's something I never let you have but it was for the best. At least that's what I told myself. So here it is, closure, for both of us:

It was dark Laith. I was dragged into the alley behind our coffee shop. I remember seeing you by the window lost in a book before I was pulled backwards. A pair of strong hands held me down while another stuffed cloth in my mouth, muffling my screams. He took the liberty of exploring every inch of me, reaching places I only intended for you.

I remember his sneer, his crooked teeth blackened like his soul. I remember feeling weak and used. I remember that feeling of relief when he finally stopped, just to fall back down to the ground as the second pair of hands took his turn. I remember lying there in a pool of blood and tears. I remember the bruises and pain they left behind.

I remember the cold showers I took, rubbing my skin raw in an attempt to remove their touch from me. I never could. Their fingers left prints tattooed onto my body; their hands left scars of black and blue underneath my surface. I saw them all through the day and night. That smile became my nightmare. That smile I had memorized down to the slightest detail.

I am broken Laith and always will be. You deserve more than a used soul. You are too kind and charming. You were always worth a million of me and now, you can't even compare the two of us you are too good.

You couldn't see it then, maybe you will now. All I did, I did for you. I hope you can forgive me. This is it Laith. This is the final goodbye.

Forever yours,

Caitlyn

~~~

13/6/1997

Dear Caitlyn,

When I saw this letter I was scared to open it. I can now see I was right to be.

You are right, I never got closure Caitlyn, but I never minded. That experience is unbearable. What you had to endure my love no one can justify. If I had only looked up from that stupid book! I would have noticed where it went horribly wrong. I remember reading a description of the protagonist's lover. I remember thinking of you, and your youthful smile. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have met you the day I spilt coffee all over your blouse exiting that same coffee shop. How could I not have seen? How could I have been so blind?!!

There are no excuses for what has happened but I swear to the moon and back Caitlyn it doesn't change a thing. I still love you. I am still in love with you! Nothing could ever change that! Why couldn't you see that? You are still the same woman I fell in love with all those years ago! You are still the beautiful, strong woman I know. This has only made you stronger my love. Damn it Caitlyn cancer would have caused a bigger problem than this but I swear I love you no matter what! This is no exception!

If you are out there still, living an isolated life like me, I swear by the moon and stars I will find you. I will keep searching for you until you are in my arms again. If you have moved on though, I will leave you to enjoy life with whomever was lucky enough to pick up the pieces of your broken soul. I just hope that I still hold a single missing piece of it, like you will always hold a piece of mine.

Loving you now and always,

Laith