thin ⚣ phan

four

dan woke up in an instant. he looked around, white walls and white floors numerous wires attached onto him, he was in the hospital.

he yelled and screamed until seconds later a young nurse rushed in, she had curly brown hair that complimented her tan skin.

the nurse kept reassuring him it was okay but dan didn't reply he just kept asking for his mother.

"just calm down, it'll be okay"

"no it's not" he mumbled but loud enough for her to hear.

the curly haired nurse just shook her head as she walked out the door. moments after her exit the door opened once again to reveal his mom.

she quickly rushed over to dan and pulled him into a tight hug.

"i love you dan okay? if you need something just tell me i'm here" she mumbled under her breathe as she holded onto dan tighter.

she dosen't love you

even though dan knew the only reason she was even implying that she cared was only because he was in the hospital but he didn't want to ruin the moment.

"i love you too mom" he said with no emotion as they stopped hugging.

dan looked up and saw bags under his mother eyes, all his fault he probably made her stay awake wondering where she went wrong in raising him.

dan knew he was a failure. he knew it ever since his father left him because he found out he was gay, he knew he was a failure because failures cause disapointment, sadness and pain.

"dan..."

"yea mom?"

"do you want to talk about it?"

did he? did dan actually want to talk to his mom about his eating habits? no, he didn't because all of it wouldn't even make it out in words.

"n-o" he was right.

"dan i know, i know it's hard but you have to be able to talk to me"

easy for you to say, you don't stay up all night crying to sleep because you're a failure. you don't worry about how many calories you consumed you never worry about half the stuff i'm worried about, he thought.

"i know mom but i can-t i don-t know how to"

she then nodded assuring him she understood,"this is why i'm getting you a therpaist"

a therapist? why? he didn't need one he was fine and this 'therapists' do nothing but nod at everything you do because they are getting paid if they weren't they'd be telling you how messed up you were, he thought.

"that's stupi-"

"now you stop it dan, you put yourself in here because you made dumb.... choices, you are making me look like a horrible mother so the least thing you could do is go through with this" she yelled out, angrily.

dan knew, he knew his mother was hiding this whole diffrent side of herself from him. no one's ever that kind and happy and no one ever cares about someone like that.

his mother was already out the door when dan broke out of thought. dan didn't cry though, he just tried to ignore the fact that he's life was horrible but he couldn't and his mind trailed off snd thought about what people at school would have said about him by now.

they'd probably laugh and say" oh you know that emo kid? well he's in the hospital because he starves himself " but it's true all they say about him is always true, always.

_

later that day another nurse came in her name was charlie she didn't talk to dan though, she just handed him a bag. he opened it to reveal the only thing that brought enjoyment to him at this point, his phone.

he turned it on and notifications flooded his phone.

kickthepj: Daaaaannnnn
kickthepj: dude
kickthepj: dan
kickthepj: why aren't u at school
kickthepj: where are you
kickthepj: dan?

pj, he was such a kind person he made people happy, he didn't even have to try his bubbly pressence was enough to make you like him.

dan howell: i'm in the hospital but i'm okay now dude

seconds later his phone kept ringing with notifications he unlocked his phone once again and stared down, all the messages were from pj.

kickthepj: i'm going to go see you
kickthepj: OHJUSTWAITttt
kickthepj: i'm almost there

he was right, minutes later he rushed in and just hugged dan without saying anything but dan liked it this way.

of course the silence was always broken at one point,"dan--why are you in--here?--you don't have to tell me if you don't want to though"

at one point pj would find out. he'd find out and then tell him how stupid he was but was he? dan knew everyone lied when they said he was thin he knew he was the oppisite, no one understood that starving himself was the only soloution.

"i have a....eating disorder" i knew i didn't have one but the doctors seemed to not think about why i was doing this. yet a eating disorder was two words put together to clasify that the person is messed up, of course a medical person wouldn't dare tell you that.

doctors didn't do anything, telling someone with an eating disorder to eat is like saying don't be depressed be happy.

"oh.. dan you could have told me i wouldn't have taken you to eat the other ti-"

"it's fine pj, just fine"

pj didn't reply after that he just looked at dan sadly, pj began glancing over to dan at times probably looking at him like everyone else did, skin and bones.

dan was skin and bones, his ribs and collarbones were visible even through his hospital gown and his features were all sharp.

pj stood up from the seat across dan and before he left all he said was,"i have to go now um bye"

dan knew that tone.

pj didn't want to be friends anymore. everyone who'd found out about his supposed disorder didn't want to be
part his life.