thin ⚣ phan

six

dan
_

here i was sitting right across my therapist, mr.way. why? well phil had went and told my mother about what happend, i shouldn't be mad at him i really shouldn't he was trying to help me or at least that's what he said.

in my opinion i don't need help i'm perfectly fine. sorta. yet everyone else sees me as a boy, a boy who has a problem and to them the problem can only be solved one way and that way is by telling others about it which is probably why i'm sitting in this lousy orange seat while having to talk to a complete stranger.

"dan?"

i looked up. it was my therpaist trying to talk to me again even though i had completly ignored him the past ten minutes. i stopped trying to not to tañk to him because here i was wasting time and money and then i knew i had to at least say something to make it seem as of everything is completly fine even when deep down i knew it really wasn't.

"yeah?"

"we have to talk about why you're here"

i'd rather sit in silence, i'd rather be at home staring at a wall then being here stuck in a place with a person who dosen't care much about me for an hour to talk about feelings.

"i'd rather not"

"daniel"

"please mr.i don't know your first name, don't call me that"

"so we're doing this are we?"

that's when i stopped talking back to him, i could've replied but the conservation was blank and nothing could fix it. the conversation was forced i knew that he completly didn't care of anything I thought about in the end if i didn't open up to him he'd still get paid.

_

"it's been 10 ten minutes dan are you ready to talk to me?"

no, but my mom is paying for this and if i talk or not you'll still take her 100 dollars, so let me just talk as if i was normal for once because then maybe you'll belive i'm okay even if i'm not.

"i suppose so"

"so why did you do it again"

i'm a mess. i want to be thin and i just wanted to get rid of the food that's all why is that so hard to understand? is what i wanted to say but what i ended up saying was "my thoughts kicked in, i felt as if i didn't i was going to die"

he wrote something down as i sat fiddeling my fingers and wondering what he was writing in that notepad.

"why did you do this you could have went for help?"

"no, i know but it's not that easy to go to someone and say hey i need help and i feel like i want die because i'm not thin they'd think i'm crazy you probably do too"

"not really, dan do you think you're crazy?"

"sometimes people make me feel like i'm crazy such as my mother but then there's people that make me feel normal"

"any specific people who make you feel this way?"

then i started smiling like a dork, phil. ever since he found out about my supposed problem, he's always been there. whenever he talks to me he makes me feel like a normal person like a person that dosen't have thoughts that constantly make them feel low.

"phil"

he didn't say anything at first he jotted down what i had just said, then after a couple of seconds he started looking up and parted his lips to speak,"so do you like this phil guy?"

like? i did like phil but maybe just maybe i felt as if there was something between us that made people say oh look there in love but was i in love i had only known phil for a whole month but it felt like ages.

"i like him but i don't know how he feels about me"

"we'll you'll just have to find out and who knows maybe you'll be lovers one day" he chuckled as reajusted his glasses.

the word lovers made me chuckle and made me rethink everything i thought up until this moment. did i feel something more than like towards phil? maybe but it wasn't love yet but it does feel like something else and more than that.

"you must think a lot about this huh?"

maybe.

"yes a lot everyday sometimes even more than i have the other thoughts"

"we'll mr.starstruck it seems we've ran out of time until next time daniel"

wow starstruck? i was completely bewildered by that word to notice he called me daniel. anyways what kind of therpaist was this guy using words like that yet i'd have to admit he seemed alright but that wasn't going to make me like him right away.

"until nextime"

"until nextime, mr way"

"gerard, call me gerard" as he let out a small grin.

with that i started walking out of the room and the thoughts began rushing in once again. what did i feel towards phil? did he feel something for me? the more i walked the more i thought.