Silent Mind (z.h)

N I N E T E E N

Hello lovely readers. This chapter is awful... not like a crappy chapter but like, I cried writing it and I really hope you like it. I also hope you will vote for this story at the Bromance Awards Summer 2013 where my story is nominated for one of the Ziall "most popular" stories. 

As the votings are at work, I will update this story... and as the voting is done, I will update the last chapter... okay? Two more chapters after this one... omg

Zayn's P.O.V

I stood outside of Niall’s cell, looking on him through the window of the small, white room. His hands were handcuffed front because of the fight he had put up against the medics. He was calm now and I was soon allowed to see him.

I just stood there, and I had been for over four hours.
I was utterly in love with Niall Horan no matter how he treated me or how much he hated me. I wanted to help him; I wanted to be his medication. But from what the doctors had told me, he wasn’t allowed in public anymore.

“He’s very unstable; his illness could have caused you death. He’s gotta have to stay here for a long time to recover” One of the doctors told me.

“Is he going to get well?” I asked, tears falling down my cheeks.
“We don’t know yet for sure but to keep him sane no visits will be allowed” He told me.

“Am I not allowed to visit my husband?” I was shocked… why not? Why I was not allowed to see how my love is doing?

“Well, the only thing he had been going off about since he got here was that he hated you and even though I know that it’s the illness speaking, to make him healthy again we can’t take any risks” He said.

I understood it, even though I didn’t want to.
“His other self thinks he’s in some prison right now, that you are keeping him here because of reasons. I think we need to finish this, don’t you think?”

Finish this?
That was why I was standing there, watching him for over four hours. I needed to think, to clear my head.
Finish this?

I think I knew what the doctor meant, and I feared it.
But I was going to finish this… I had to.

One of the medics unlocked the door to let me in. As I entered the room, Niall looked at me and immediately started crying.
I held my breath, not knowing which one of the two Nialls I was going to meet.

“Zayn…” Niall sobbed as tears fell from his eyes. The way he said my name was like he needed me, that he longed for me. The Niall that I missed…

The medic closed the door behind me and I stood there, preparing myself for what I was about to do.

“Hey Ni” I said and looked into his beautiful blue eyes. He rose from the bed slowly to not scare me.
He was his sane self, I could tell.

“I am so sorry Zayn…” He cried and snorted, he looked so fragile and I wanted him in my arms then and there.
But I knew I couldn’t do that to him, not to myself either.

“It’s… fine Niall” I told him, truthfully. The pain in my thigh was pretty much gone I just had trouble walking.

“I don’t want to be like this Zayn… I don’t want to be crazy” He said and neared me.
I stood completely still in place, not knowing what to do.
“You are not crazy” I replied, holding the tears in. To see him so desperate and broken, made me want to die.

“I keep pushing you away, I don’t want to do that, I need you” He said as he reached me. He was now right in front of me, looking into my brown orbs.
“Niall…” I ushed and sighed. It was time…

“I’ve longed for your lips” He interrupted and lowered his gaze on them. He reached his cuffed hands out and grabbed mine tight. I tried to swallow the big lump in my throat, but it was too big.

He moved his face closer to mine and kissed me tenderly on my quivering lips.
He wasn’t just kissing me but tasting me, pouring the moment with actual love. Like he knew… Like he knew this was our last kiss.

I kissed him back, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
I took in all of him at once, breathing in his scent, feeling his warmth, tasting his flavors, collecting as much of him as I could… before I pulled away.

He looked up on me, eyes filled with shock and fear.
“Niall…” I said again and took a step back and let go of his hands. He tried to reach for me again but I shook my head.

“I am sorry Niall, for everything I’ve done” I said and looked down on the floor, too afraid to face him.
“I am setting you free, I won’t bother you again” I said, speaking to both of the two Nialls.

My Niall was looking at me like I just put a knife through his heart, his eyes big as plates, he didn’t even blink as the tears fell free down his face.
“You don’t ever have to see me again” I mumbled, forcing the words out. He began shaking his head in despair and moved closer to me again.

“No, Zayn you don’t mean it, you promised you wouldn’t leave me!” He said in utter desperation.
“Niall I am doing this for you, I am not doing you any good… you need to get well again” I said as the tears began pouring down my cheeks.

“I need you here with me, I will get well, I will be here and get well, but I need you beside me when I do it!” He yelled as his tears kept falling.

“I’m sorry” I said and turned to walk out.
“ZAYN!!!?” Niall screamed, his voice filled with so much sorrow and heartbreak. A sorrow I had caused.

I froze in place, squeezing my eyes shut as more tears fell.
“YOU PROMISED!” He cried.
Without another word, I opened the door and walked out.

The medics locked the door after me and as I slowly passed the window I saw in the corner of my eye how Niall had the palms of his hands on the one view glass, his face tearstained, searching for me though he couldn’t see me.

“ZAYN PLEASE! ZAYN!” He cried and cried, banging on the window.
I heard him scream until I reached the main door.
I walked out of the mental hospital but only made it to the stone made porch.

I fell to the ground as my knees crumbled. I cried hysterically because I knew…
He was going to get well because his other self was rid of me now. But that also meant that I was never going to see him again…

I felt dead inside.

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OMG....