Salt And Ink

Desert

I wander through the dreary desert
My hands covering up my face
Trying in vain
To shield my eyes
From the burning pain.

The sky is a bleary dull grey beige
Sun hidden beneath the massive blanket
Of the scorching sand
Flying with the merciless
gale of wind
A ruthless couple
Hand in hand
Upon a homeless land.

Surrounding me
Smothering me
Suffocating me
A closet of doom
And all around my staggering frame
The demonish shadows of my past
The ones I thought I'd left behind
The drops of guilt I thought I'd wiped
away
With their giant, invincible might
Block my hopeless way-
Looks like they're here to stay.

And as I trudge through the skyless world
Upon my right with a pang I behold
My uncle
My best friend
And my beloved
My uncle whom
I couldn't lend a moment
A golden, precious moment
To say a two- syllabled word
Before his tube-riddled hand dropped
Onto the sheets below;

My best friend whom
I couldn't lend a moment
A smiling, shining moment
To say a two-syllabled word
Before his frame stormed out
And on my face slammed the door;

My beloved, oh my beloved;
Whom I couldn't lend a moment
A lovely, lustrous moment
To say a two-syllabled word
As she grabbed my bouquet of
water lillies
My greeting cards
My letters
My gifts
My love
And with a single, powerful motion
Tossed them into the dustbin.

Years later;
Tears later
I beheld them all in front of me
Their eyes alight with a painful mixture
Of hope and agony,
Of sorrow and pity,
Demanding
From their nephew, their lover, their best buddy-
A single word of regret.

I gathered up in my outstretched palms
The broken shards of my shattered heart
Still glistening with the river I had cried
when each of them had left my life.

I cupped my palms with the broken fragments
And in that vast, boundless desert
Fell onto my knees.

I pleaded with them to forgive me
I begged, I spawned, I cried-
I threw up every drop of repentance
That lay cooped up inside

And I don't know if my wretched actions
To their anguished souls appealed
But suddenly they were there no more-
Only I on the sand who kneeled.

I looked around the desert barren
My tears by the wind eroded;
Until a Satanic gush of wind
On my journey me goaded.

The sand dunes are getting dwarfed by the storm
The shadows are disturbing
Yet on my journey I must move on
Must keep the pages turning.

My very mouth is choked with dust-
The last drop of water's gone
So be it my tears that quench my thirst
Come what may, I must on.

My mind is blank, my heart is blank-
Feelings were all that remained
And before a while, this imbecile
Had threw up all they contained.

I'm beginning to feel an emptiness-
no anger, no love, no strife,
A boundless, bare ocean of sand;
This desert resembles my life.

And I wander through this dreary desert-
My hand no longer covers my face
But happily takes the pain,
As I become one with the welcoming sand,
As I leave my dreadful body behind
Its pathetic, ruined remains
Never to be seen again.