Salt And Ink

A Strange Equilibrium

A strange equilibrium has gripped my soul,

And is strangling me like no other rope

Or bout of depression

Has ever had.

I don't know how it happened,

Or why it happened,

Or what happened.

All I know is,

That after my ordeal,

After the bitter, bitter bite life's given me,

And my reaction to it,

My mind has retreated

Snuggled into, curled up in

A closet.

A sturdy, oak - panelled closet

That shows me only one way...

In.

The events of the past days-

Seem like nonchalant puffs of Cocaine,

A vague halo surrounds them,

That mellows the storm, numbs the pain,

And my tattered mind-ropes seem to heal,

But they're a bunch of liars known to feign,

And if they try to lure me with their appeal,

That's a trap I won't fall into again.

I don't understand why my mind's hung up

Maybe it's the holidays-

Four long, uneventful weeks

Stretching out yonder like an endless precipice.

I don't know why I feel so detached

Maybe it's the cringes life had to offer-

That made me fall, that made me suffer.

Somewhere inside- the fuses are broken...

And I feel the empty space back there

Everytime I pick up a hammer

To try and mend them-

They just grow.

Grow in size, grow in intensity...

Grow in scariness.

Indeed, dear life, your ways are strange,

You first strike me down and make me wish I were dead;

Then you give me a taste of what death is like-

With my breaths still going on.

Working.

Mechanically.

Just worse.

If this is life, I wonder what's it like to die,

If this is death, I wonder how to live-

And don't kill me....just yet.

Cuz I have fights to settle, people to forgive;

And a strange equilibrium has gripped my soul,

And I can't imagine

How I'm gonna get out of it

That is, assuming, for illusion's sake,

That I ever do.