Breaking Louis Tomlinson {Larry Stylinson AU}

Chapter Seven

a/n: these are getting harder and harder to do because how many times can i thank you guys for your amazing support? literally i've been moved to tears by some of your guys's comments on my story--i do read them all, and i do love them all--because theyre so moving. you literally make my day when you take the time to leave me those ecouarging words

thanks for the 2.4k w o w :)

dedications are getting more difficult to choose since all of you are leaving me this amazing stuff, but this update it goes to @RulerOfAllNinjas because her comment was so sweet ughdsfsdfdsf okay i love you and im glad i can help you :) x

((that was an annoyingly long a/n oops im sorry))

 

The next few days consist of Harry coming over pretty early in the mornings and spending the day at Louis’s flat. They sprawl themselves over the sofa, eat cheap take-out, watch old films, and just talk. It’s not anything much, but Louis felt less lonely with Harry over.

Harry never pressed him to talk about his self-harm any more past that first day. In fact, he didn’t ask him any questions past what his favourite colour is. Louis liked the relaxed feeling between him and Harry; unlike Zayn, he didn’t feel like he was the lesser of the two, or that he would never be on Harry’s level. Harry and him were the same; there was no major difference between the two.

See, when Louis was with Zayn, he always felt like he’d never be enough for Zayn. Zayn was happy, Zayn was funny, Zayn was confident. And Louis always felt like he had to be just like him in order to keep their friendship. So Louis changed himself to become the person he wasn’t, just so he could compete with Zayn.

Zayn never knew how insecure he unintentionally made Louis feel. He couldn’t help that he was handsome, popular, and socially confident, everything Louis wasn’t.

But being with Harry; that was different. Louis felt like he was more of himself, and he loved it. He loved the feeling of being okay with himself; Harry made Louis feel better and he didn’t even realise it. Just the mere fact that Harry was Harry made Louis feel things he hadn’t felt in a while.

He started to think that maybe—just maybe—Harry affected him deeper then he even knew.

Louis hadn’t let people close to him in so long, so he was a little wary of the emotion Harry evoked in him. Relationships were never an option for Louis; he was too scared to be with who he wanted. To him, his cover-up relationships with girls didn’t count as real love; they were fake and contrived.

But Louis always was aching to be loved. He wanted to feel happy with someone, so happy that he could become alive again and appreciate his life. What would it feel like to wake up, knowing someone cared for him so deeply that they could see past his scars and broken mind? What would it feel to be with a person that could love every shattered piece of him? What would it feel like to go to sleep, curled against the warm chest of someone who cared for him?

Louis didn’t know. And he wondered if he ever would.

He tried not to linger on things like that—he hated dwelling in relationship self-pity when he dealt with much worse things—but times like this made it hard for Louis not to think about it.