Breaking Louis Tomlinson {Larry Stylinson AU}

Chapter One

A/N: Well, here's the first chapter... It's really long, I know, but I wanted to drop some hints along the way. I tried really hard to make this seem realistc, so tell me how I'm doing :) Oh yeah, I kinda took the whole Oops/Hi thing and incorperated it in this chapter because it's the cutest thing ever. Especially because the boys got tattoos of it. Ugh.

A week previous before Christmas:

That Sunday, Louis spent like the rest of them. Curled up in his flat with a bag of crisps, casually flicking through the channels on his broken television. He was wearing at least five jumpers and three pairs of pyjama pants under his duvet because it was so drafty and cold. It was nearly the end of December, and his flat’s heater had been broken since he moved in. Louis had complained multiple times about it, but the grouchy old lady that owned the flat either couldn’t hear him, or choose to ignore his numerous complaints.

Along with being miserably cold, the end of December brought along a wave of sadness for Louis. Not only was it his twenty-first birthday on Christmas Eve, but he would also be spending it alone, like usual. His family stopped celebrating holidays with him when he walked out on them three years ago, though his mum always sent him a card.

The cheerfulness of the holiday sent Louis into a spiral of loneliness. He felt so—empty. There was no happiness or fun for him during the season; it only meant more hours working at the pub, and less sleep. Zayn would pop over and visit him if he got the chance, always with a little gift in tow, but Bradford was a lengthy distance away from Doncaster. He couldn’t always make it because he had family events, which didn’t particularly bother Louis; Zayn had his own family to celebrate with, so why should he be the reason to tear that apart? But this year was different. He was going to miss Louis’ birthday to hang out with his new girlfriend, Perrie, which did bother Louis. In fact, it really hurt him.

He really shouldn’t be surprised that he was going to be alone.

Louis knew Zayn was feeling guilty about the whole thing. He’d been texting him nearly every hour, asking casual things that didn’t really line up with their usual conversations. Zayn wasn’t really one to take pity, but lately things had been different between the two. Almost like they were starting to fall apart.

To put it short, Louis began to ignore Zayn. And without him, Louis began to feel more alone.

In the last six months, his depression had begun to get out of control again. Instead of just being stand-offish, Louis was becoming outright miserable. He never talked in public anymore, and he stopped inviting Zayn over, all which had its impact. This lack of company made Louis even more desperate and lonely, though he brought it on himself.

Some days were worse than others. On good ones, Louis would go out walking, maybe get some food out at a restaurant. On bad ones, he’d lock himself in the bathroom and put his razor to good use until he was dizzy from blood loss. The strain it took on his body was obvious; he started to lose the colour in his face, and he was always shaky. But it felt so good to Louis that he couldn’t stop.

Today was a bad day. But Louis’ arms were so painful and sore that he couldn’t even think of self-harm, even thought he was aching to. Without his one way of release, this day was more than bad… It was unbearable.

 So instead, Louis laid sprawled out on his sofa, his fingers running methodically over the raw skin on his arms. It was fascinating to him, the way his skin was a pattern of crosshatched scars. Almost beautiful. Most people would think that his cuts were horrid, but Louis was oddly fond of them. Unlike his “friends”, they stayed with him no matter what. They had seen him at his worse; they had seen him at his most desperate. And yet they didn’t leave.