Paint You Wings

I Was A Pawn In All Of Your Plans

"So you didn't break it to her yet?" Rian came out with four cans of beer from the kitchen.

I let out a sigh. "No. I couldn't. Besides, I still have some feelings for Stacey." Or, I think I did.

"Really now?" Jack said, obviously not believing me. After my date with Stacey last night, I started rethinking about our relationship. By the end of the night, I came up with the conclusion that I never did like Stacey in that way, which almost made me feel bad. Almost.

"You know, you're the one who set us up in the first place." I rolled my eyes at Jack.

"I never thought you'd ask her out," he said innocently. All four of us popped open our beer, about two cases later Jack passed out on Rian's floor.

"Great, he could've at least passed out on the couch." Rian said as he picked up all the cans on the floor. Rian, Zack, and I weren't in the drinking mood tonight, which we all found weird enough.

"I got him." Zack effortlessly picked Jack up from the floor and started walking towards the stairs.

"Just put him in the guest room," Rian said.

"Got it." Zack gave a thumbs up.

After Zack left with Jack, Rian plopped down on the couch next to me. "So how've you been, 'Lex?" He asked out of the ordinary. I looked at him confused.

"You're asking how I'm-"

"You know what I'm talking about, Alex." And he was right. I sighed, not wanting to bring it up. "I'm just worried about you."

"Ri, I'm fine." Which, in-a-matter-of-fact, is the truth. I've been fine.

"Have you been taking your pills?" That question just made my heart stop for a second. "Alex..."

"Fine, I haven't taken them in a while. And no, Rian, I don't need them."

"But Alex, you know that's the reason your parents stayed in America." Rian looked at me with sincere eyes.

"Funny, 'cause they did stay to watch me but they fucking live across the country. What difference does that make?" I got up from the couch.

"That's why I'm here, Alex. I'm your best friend. I should be watching you."

"Rian, do you even know why I had to take those goddamn pills?"

Rian nodded. "Because of your anxieties. You were in a coma-"

"But do you know why I was in a coma?" My voice was raising from anger. Rian shook his head. "Exactly! No one seems to know why I was in a coma. And the worst part? I don't fucking remember half of the things that happened in my life! No one would tell me. No one would remind me." I broke down in tears and sat on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. I never felt more lost in my entire life. Rian sat next to me and comforted me. "D-do you kn-know how m-much it hurts to n-not re-remember what happened t-to you?" I stuttered between sobs. I was shaking quite badly, but good thing Rian was there to hold me. He always did know how to comfort me during my meltdowns and panic attacks.

"Shh... Alex, have you ever asked your parents what happened?" Rian asked. I nodded.

"They never wanted to tell me."

"I think it's time they tell you then. It'll help you, a lot."

I came home from Rian's house way too late at night. I laid on my bed and stared at my ceiling, trying to remember anything that happened before I went into coma. As usual, nothing. Of course I don't remember anything. I practically had an amnesia. But I feel like I'm missing something big. Something important. I shut my eyes and let myself fall into a deep sleep.

I woke up pretty early the next day. I went down and made myself some coffee. Then right away, I went to work on my supposedly painting of Juliet. Few hours later I admired the work I've done so far. Not bad, I thought. Actually, it's more than 'not bad', this is fucking great! Not to sound arrogant or anything. To be honest, I never had a hard time painting Juliet. It's like I know her by heart that I didn't need a copy of her.

By sundown, I finally finished my painting. I then thought about what Rian told me; asking my parents about what happened. Plus, I needed to visit them anyway.

A week later. I flew to Maryland from California. I went straight to my parents' home. How I've missed this place. "Alex!" My mom pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Hey mom." It's like she's never seen me in years. But I admit, I didn't get to visit this Christmas. "Where's Dad?"

"He's at work, honey." My mom let me in the house, barely letting me go.

"He's still working? He really needs to retire."

"You know your Dad." She flashed me a warm smile.

"I missed you so much, Mom." I hugged my mom again. For once, I felt like a kid inside. I never did realized how much I've missed my parents. Me living alone definitely put me in a state of loneliness.

"So how's California, Alex?" My mom asked.

"Fine. And my career's going well."

"That's great!" My mom's eyes lit up. "I need to hear what happened to that art exhibit you told us about."

"Okay. But that's not why I'm here for."

I eventually forced my mom to thinking that I deserve to know what happened in the past. I didn't care if it was 'better off this way' or 'you'll just regret knowing about it'. I stayed quiet the minute she started talking. "You were involved in a car crash." My mom was close to tears. I didn't want her to go through this, but I needed it. I needed to know. "It was horrible, Alex. I couldn't bare to see you like that." This time, she started sobbing. I put my arm around her shoulders, but stayed silent. "The accident was so bad that you were in a coma for almost a month. I thought you'd never wake up."

"But I'm here now, Mom. I'm alive." I gave her a smile, but she didn't return it.

"Your dad and I were terrified. We didn't want to lose you... Too." Though that last word was barely audible, it stung. Why was I being stubborn and letting my mom relive her nightmare?

"I'm sorry for putting you into this. You don't need to tell me." I knew enough.

I went up to my old room to drop my stuff. There were Batman posters hanging and Batman action figures. I smiled to myself. Yeah, he was my hero. And he'll always be. I opened my drawer, which was empty except for a small brown box. Without even a second passing by, I pulled it out and opened it. What. The. Actual. Fuck?.

There were pictures of me and... Juliet? No, that can't be. What if the girl in those pictures just look like her? Yeah, they have the same dark wavy hair and brown round eyes, but... Stop fooling yourself, Alex. You know that's her. That's Juliet. Am I turning insane?