Restoration (A Walking Dead Fan-Fic)

Chapter 18

A/N: Thanks to all of my awesome reviewers. I was blown away at the amount of feedback from the previous chapter. You all are simply amazing! Keep the reviews coming! Gives me so much motivation. This chapter is super long. I had to break it down into two chapters because it hit over 20,000 words. There was just so much that needed to be added I couldn't leave out.

Rated M for mature.

Restoration: Chapter 18

Alexis stared out their cell door into the moonlit darkness. She replayed her conversation with Rick in her head, over and over, like a track on repeat that wouldn't stop no matter how much she wanted it to. She tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but she couldn't forget the pain in his voice-an unsettling reminder that they'd loved each other. That he still loved her.

William stirred, momentarily pausing the incessant turning of her thoughts assaulting her brain. He turned to his side, curling his body alongside hers. She stilled, hoping she hadn't woken him with her restlessness. His bare arm wrapped around her, coaxing her closer until she could feel his heart beating against her, a slow steady rhythm.

"Love you," he murmured against her neck. Seconds later, his breathing returned to its regular sleeping pattern.

And that's when she knew. Rick was the only one she'd ever let in. Somehow he rooted himself in her soul, and no amount of William being here would change that.

Cringing, she found the strength to get on her feet. Her movements were far from spry as she passed his room and walked to the library. Her muscles were stiff, and a dull headache throbbed behind her eyes.

She pulled a pen and legal pad out of the top cabinet and settled into a chair. She didn't know what tomorrow would bring. If things did manage to go south, she didn't want to leave this world without saying goodbye.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Rick's voice broke her from her thoughts.

She quickly flipped the legal pad over and offered him a tired smile.

"No," she dropped her pen down onto the table and rubbed her tired eyes. "To anxious to sleep."

"I was just doing my rounds and saw you come through here." He said quietly. "How are you holding up?"

Alexis drew a long, slow breath, and when she finally spoke, her voice sounded strangely distant. "I thought I'd be happy, ecstatic that he was here, alive, and that we were finally reunited after such a long time apart. And when he told me that he still loved me, I couldn't bring myself to say it back. His touch, his kisses, everything about it just feels wrong. I wanted to tell him that I've loved you for a while now. That I wanted to be with you." She turned toward him, pleading for him to understand. "I could hear myself saying the words, but then..."

Rick watched her expression close in on itself.

"I want to say those things to him. I wanted to say them more than anything, because they're true." She shook her head, as if trying to clear her mind of the remnants of a dream. "But as he started talking, my real life came flooding back, and all of a sudden I could hear myself saying something different. It was like there were two radios tuned to different stations, each one playing an alternate version. In the other version I heard myself saying that I didn't want William to know about any of this. And that I have family waiting for me. And that no matter what I said or how I tried to explain it to him, there would still be something inherently selfish about all of this."

"Alexis..."

She rose. "Don't, Rick. Please just don't..."

"Say it," he bit out. "If there's anything worth waiting for, I need to hear you tell me now."