to forget you

4 ; to see you (now)

i tend to overthink. a terrible habit of mine, self destruction. isn't that so ironic-it's the one thing I hated about you that you did.

as time goes on, it doesn't hurt any less to see you with someone else.

I see you at lunch.

you're smiling, something that you always do, but it's different now. it's not forced.

in classes.

talking, laughing, people around you.

and it's never the same.

because I'm not there too.

i deluded myself into thinking that i could save you. me, trapped by my own fears. saving you, the one who didn't want to be saved.

did you like drowning that much?

i knew you when we were stuck in the darkest of pits and felt irrevocably stuck, destined to be swallowed up in the depths of society's troubles.

you always smiled. never cried.

i cried.

i cried when you tried to take your own life.

i cried when you said it was over.

i cried when I saw your arms looped around someone else's.

i cried, knowing you healed yourself.

does it make me weak to be the one that cried?