I'm Not Confused I Know I Love You (sequeal breaks)

Chapter 9

-TOMS POV-
Max looks at me and starts balling. "Tom I was scared, I didn't know what you would think of me." I held him in my arms and just told him it was alright as tears flooded down my faces as well. "Max I don't ever want you to leave me. What you did I couldn't live with myself knowing I might have been the cause. Max I love you so so much I have no idea what I would do without you." I mean I don't feel like it was me that caused it. Him trying to commit suicide doesn't seem like something he would do.

We stood there in each other's arms for a good 10 minutes. Then Sarah and her step mom came stumbling out of her room looking awfully happy. I led Max to the bed and laid him down and closed the door.

I turned around and Max was asleep, was is wrong to watch such a beautiful person sleep?

I just sat there and thought to myself constantly on what life would be like if he was not in it. It would be awful. Honestly why am I so caught up in love with Max? I mean it can't be the way his eyes light up when talks about what he loves. It can't be the way he smells when he's laying next to me. It can't be the way he laughs and every once in a while a snort will slip out. It can't be the way he's so cute when he first wakes up. It can't be the way he says my name when he's tired. It can't be the way he watches a movie so intently. It can't be the way he talks with so much passion. It can't be the way he holds my hand and gives it kisses. It can't be the way he gives me long hugs and just buries his head in my chest.... Now that I think about it, I love him for all he is, I love him for all those things. Max is so amazing and so adorable. He's perfect to me i don't know what I'd do with out him. He so important to me. I love him with all my heart.

I hear Max moan in his sleep and he constantly keeps rolling over and he would smile and say my name sometimes the way he would when he's tired. He's so cute and I'm obsessed with how much I love him and how much he loves me. I can't wait to take care of him and watch him get better. He's the most important thing to me I don't want to lose him. He looks like an angel when he sleeps. I slowly get up and start to walk around his room after minutes of watching him sleep.

-MAXS POV-
I suddenly wake up to the sound of Toms feet hitting the ground. I see him walking around and I wonder what he's doing but I keep quiet just observing his every motion. He puts his hands on his head and looks at the floor and laughs. I hear him whisper something but the words are so muffled they're hard to make out.

Slowly but intensely Tom takes off his shirt and I can tell I'm wide eyed because when he turned around to look at me he laughs. "Do you like what you see?" I'm just filled with so much but no words could escape my mouth. He chuckles and falls down on the bed next to me and kisses my face. I smile and hold his hand and cuddle into him. He's so perfect and I love him so much.

We laid there silently just taking in the blissfulness of that afternoon. He looks over at me and smiles. "Max, I really like you." I stare at him for a minute. "Like?! God damn I fucking love you!" I shout at him as I get on top of him and kiss all over his gorgeous face. He laughs and pushes me away. I look at him confused just as he slams his lips into mine.

He starts to rock us back and forth against the bed, I've been wanting this for so long but so nervous of what would happen. He kisses my neck and plays with the ends of my shirt and he starts massaging my hip bones. I slightly moan and Tom laughs into my neck as he continues kissing it. He slowly runs his hands up my shirt when he suddenly stops kissing me and pushes me back to look at me. I stare at him slightly embarrassed as he pulls my shirt off to look at my fat disgusting body.

He gets teary eyed and looks me in the eyes and then the tears really started flowing. "Oh Max I'm so sorry I did this to you, this should have never happened, I love you so much the last thing I ever wanted to do was lead you to this point, you.." I stop him and speak, "Tom you did not cause any of this at all. I did this to myself I look this way because of my decisions." He looks so upset and so furious at the same time. "Max where did those bruises come from? Huh? Where did those scratches come from? Why are all your bones showing? None of this would have ever happened if I never showed up. If I never showed up maybe you would be okay."

I stared at him so bewildered and then I kiss him. " Tom. NONE of this is your fault. All of this was because of my decisions. You have helped me to appreciate what I have and right now I appreciate you most you're all that matters to me right now and I'll do anything to make you happy alright?" He nods slowly and I kiss him again and again. He wraps his arms around my waist as we lay down together again. I can feel his wet hot tears burning into the back of my skin, but I didn't really care. I love this boy so much that I'm willing to get better for him.