The Grey In His Eyes! Dramoine Story (Draco & Hermione)

Chapter 11 ~ Motives

Instead of getting better the way that Draco thought, things were only growing progressively worse. Progressively more in pain, progressively deeper into the war. The eye of the storm was far gone now, and instead they were in the most intense part of the hurricane.

He hoped and prayed that the climax of chaos meant that it would soon calm, but then he rethought things and figured that chances are, that wasn't the worst part, and it was only going to grow worse. The fact that he had murdered his father was finally starting to sink into his skin, and it was driving him mad. He attempted to numb his worries and negative emotions aside by means of cigarettes, firewhiskey, and his favorite numbing substance of them all, Granger. But the thing was, Granger didn't really numb him. Granger made him feel alive again, she made him feel human. And he wasn't the only one that saw the way he lit up around her either. The topic came up at dinner a couple days after they had moved campsites.

"Why are you so damned depressed all the time?" asked Neville, frowning. "I mean, you're always either drinking or smoking and the times you aren't you're lashing out on objects or fellow Order members. I mean... Why?"

Draco glared at him and tapped one of his fingers on the counter top "The thing is, Longbottom, the question is more of 'why not?' rather than 'why?'" he said in exasperation. "And I'm so damned depressed for the same reasons as you, as everyone else here; because of the war".

"I thought it might be because of your father" mumbled Neville.

Draco was very exasperated now. He was hungry, tired, depressed, enraged, and sexually frustrated. All in all, bringing up his father then was like poking a sleeping dragon in the eye. "Very astute observation. I think that a ten-year-old could have figured that one out but nonetheless, yes".

"You're rather grumpy today" Luna Lovegood's dreamy voice pointed out from the corner of the room. She's in here?, Draco groaned. "Have the nargles got you?"

"What the fuck are nargles?" the other blonde asked, narrowing his eyes. "Are they some more of that make believe Quibbler bullshit?"

"Nargles are real, thank you very much" said Luna haughtily.

"Lovegood, I don't want to debate over this stupid shit right now. There's a lot more important things on my mind than fucking nargles, whatever the hell they are. I can't believe you still care about that shit when people are dying. You're probably useless on a battlefield -

"Would you please shut up?" snapped Ginny. "Just because you're in a foul mood doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone else, Malfoy. Do you treat Hermione like this when you're around her?"

He ground his teeth together, trying to restrain the shouts building up in the back of his throat. "You're a fool if you think that Granger would put up with me if I treated her like this".

"I'm hardly a fool" the redhead countered. "The only time I ever see you act human, act happy is when you're around her. I mean... You actually smile. But you still don't deserve her".

He had had enough by then, his teeth were grinding so hard he feared they might crack, and he was as tense as he was in battle. "Oh believe me, I am well aware of that, Weasley. I think I figured that out for myself. But I make Granger happy, and she of all people deserves it".

"In the end you're going to hurt her".

He knew she was right, so he just left the table and retreated back to his tent, back to his room. He didn't want to think about the endings, he only wanted to think about the present, not the future. It would be better, really, if stories didn't have endings... But they had to, and he knew his wasn't going to be that of a fairy tale. After all, he was hardly Prince Charming, and she was hardly a princess.