Today, its a personal thing. If you've noticed, my update schedule is irratic. Sometimes I'll go weeks on end without updating, sometimes I update four times in one day. Why is this?
Well, I'm getting personal today. My family is going through a divorce. We just found out about this in December, so it hasn't been long. It's left me a shell of my former self. I'm drained, and honestly, very sad.
I've noticed ive become a more paranoid person, as well. Paranoid my brother has stopped caring about me. Paranoid about growing up. Paranoid about my own mortality, and how easy it is to die. Paranoid of Nuclear Politics, of all things.
Besides my paranoia and very severe anxiety, I've also grown up a lot. Looking at Not Normal and writing characters based on my friend group seemed... Childish. And embarrassing.
For starters, I based one of the
characters (Sydni) off of my brother, before I knew he was Trans. And a few of those girls I don't talk to anymore. The only people I still talk to are the real life counterparts to Kaitlyn, Melanie, Isabela, and Sydni (well, Sydni is kind of obvious).
By the way, if you do want to follow my brother on Wattpad, he is at Death_the_kidXD. He's very good to talk to about a lot of things, especially stuff like Gender Dysphoria.
I mean, I wrote A Different Kind of Love three years ago. I'm so different from who I was then. I look in the mirror and I see someone else. I'm tired now. I'm bitter and sore. I laugh so much less than I did. Every morning, I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. My hair is falling out in strands.
Don't get it wrong, I'm not depressed. Having anxiety and stress are different than depression.
I have to wonder what the future holds for me. I'm getting older now. I wonder where my writing will go.
In the end, I guess I just figured I needed to justify my irregularity to you guys. You deserve it. I will try to maybe see if I can update stuff here and there.
