Perspective (MJ)

His Nostalgic Pain

"It's alright. They're not angry at you," Michael whispers to me, rubbing the side of my arm with assurance. I feel a sense of humiliation as words are forming and attempting to utter out. My hands tremble; all eyes of his family are on me and I cannot express how much they're succeeding in making me feel guilty. I do see why I need to apologise and move on-it's not good to run away from situations, expecting that it will be forgotten and fade away. Because no matter what, you'll end up in the same situation somehow.

"I apologise to all of you for my outrageous behaviour and the commotion that I caused. Toriano, I apologise to you even more as I was the one who caused your injury. I didn't mean to let my temper go out of control. But you've got to understand words hurt, whether they're directed to a single person or even more. I was just angry and upset of your harsh words. I couldn't take it," I breathe out heavily, happy that my explanation and apology has now come to an end. Rubbing my clammy hands, I swallow, watching Tito's head raising from his book, his eyes boring into mine.

"It's Tito. You call me Tito," he mutters, sucking his teeth. I sigh quietly at his sudden attitude and now decide that we still aren't on good terms-nothing has changed. Joseph rubs his forehead, muttering curse words whilst Katherine tuts, painfully sighing. It seems that Tito will not move on-but it may not be this situation causing him to hold a grudge. He's always had a problem with me ever since the start of Michael and I's friendship. And also with Michael too which for all of these years, I'm still wondering why.

"Nadi, it's alright. I apologise too for being so obnoxious and insensitive. I understand why you lost your temper anyway," Jermaine smiles, he's always had a large beaming smile, getting up from the sofa and slowly taking steps towards me.

"Nice to know you understand," I say quietly, a small smile on my face, fiddling with my cold fingers. It's freezing outside, I should've worn my gloves. Weather is always unpredictable at times and can strike unexpectedly.

"Promise me something," he points a finger at me, placing an arm around my shoulder to pull me close. "Never lose your temper like that again. You scared me to the point where I thought, 'is this really Nadia'? Man, I was almost going to cry! Sorry for hurting your shoulder by the way. I'm hoping its better now."

"Jermaine, it's completely fine. It's getting better. It's only been two weeks, so in a few days it'll fully heal," I nod, putting my arm around his back for a brief, friendly hug. Michael always questions me about the injury and has been wanting to take and escort me to the doctors but due to my resisting of doing so, he always finds ways to help it heal. Light massaging and ice packs. He can already heal me. With the soft kisses and sweet touches, I'll always heal.

"What Jermaine said! I was getting scared, girl!" Latoya shakes her head, shocked at the thought of it. Janet, Jackie and Randy both nod, mumbling in agreement. It is a little irritating that they're still seeing me as the girl who strangled Tito and not the actual girl who doesn't do any harm. But I don't let it show and keep a genuine smile on my face.

"Thank you for apologising Nadia," Joseph clasps his hands together. "Though I do believe we still need to have a serious conversation with your parents."

"I still think so too," Katherine agrees, her tone serious. Anger rushes to my head and I'm endeavouring not to let it get the better of me. They're still being like this. There's nothing wrong with letting your parents know that you've made love (my parents are a definite exception). But Katherine and Joseph are seeing it in a wrong way. If I love Michael, and he loves me, then what is exactly the problem? It's not some sort of quick fling. We've known each other for the longest period of time and through that time, we have never been involved romantically. It is only when my comfort turned into a magical night of sweet love then was it declared to be an authentic love.

They just don't understand. I'm thinking that their perspective is a little distorted or they think that we're irresponsible young adults that cannot take the idea of love seriously.

"Alright, that's fine. Can Nadia and I go out for a walk or do we need a lecture on how to?" Michael falsely smiles, stiffening. He links his fingers through mine ignoring the heavy sighs and stares that we receive on our way out of their home.

-
"What are you reading?" I smile, sitting next to him on the swirly steps. After our walk, we decided to return back to the Jacksons home and maybe explain our thoughts along with views on this situation that they seemed to be taking seriously. Though when we arrived, no members of his family were in his home. We entered and now have been talking about all sorts of things.

"It's a photo book that I haven't seen in ages. Katherine usually updates it. This brings so much nostalgia," he softly laughs, pointing to a picture when I was thirteen, hair big and wild. Sprinkles in my wild hair, cream smothered on my face. I remember it clearly. I had gone out with Jackie, Michael and Janet to get an ice cream. It was one of the most fun days because our ice creams had melted due to the intense heat-resulting in Janet crying. We smeared ice-cream all over each other, taking it as some sort of game, and came home sticky. We couldn't help snickering when Katherine had scolded us. I loved that day.

"Michael...I look so goofy," I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment, taking a quick look at my scrunched up face. He giggles and wraps an arm around my shoulder, gently kissing the side of my face.

"No...you're so adorable. It's beautiful," he says, his voice going soft. I pull a face and allow him to show me more pictures of the day.

"Janet and her ice cream. She couldn't stop crying," I laugh at the thought, resting my head on his shoulder. "Goodness, Jackie looks so young! It's amazing what time does to you!"

"Very true!"

"You've got a good skill at photography, I must say. Aww look at you-you're so cute!" I place a hand at my heart at the photo of Michael laughing whilst struggling to tie his shoelaces. My heart flutters at his beauty and what must've been going through my mind then.

Michael looks down and smiles, his voice a bashful tone. "I'm not, stop trying to be kind."

"Michael you're so adorable in that picture! Even more adorable now! Aww you're full of so much beauty," I plant a kiss on his cheek, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I'm not," he says quietly, tracing the photo of him with the tips of his fingers. Small tears stream down his now glistening cheek. Quickly, I wipe them away, not knowing of what is now put Michael into this mood.

"Michael...you are. You're beautiful. You have to change your perspective," I say softly, continuing to wipe rushing tears. My lips press against his-I just want a feeling of affection to be between us at this moment. When I break the kiss, I run my fingers down his cheek and search his eyes for any emotion of hope. Abruptly, he pushes my arms away and slams the book onto the floor.

"I'm not! Stop the lies that are coming out of your mouth!" he grits his teeth in anger, running up the stairs. I hug my knees to my chest, rocking gently back and forth. My eyes travel over to the photo of him. Only thirteen and so insecure but had the world's happiness inside him. A beautiful, glowing smile. Hair just like mine but much more larger than mine funnily. Sparkling brown irises that remind me of glistening stars. A sweet mouth that had. words of intellect and wisdom. A friendly, wonderful personality.

And his beautiful, caring heart.