Spiritual Networking

Spiritual Networking - Chapter 18

Chapter 18


FEAR

Forever
Existing
Against
Reality


Sunday morning came and Millie was still torn. More than anything, she wanted to walk into church next to Paul, but her fear was holding her back. She knew that he left for church at nine, in order to be there for Sunday School and morning worship.

Suddenly she had inspiration for a poem to post on Wattpad. Immediately she knew her decision.



Overcoming

Fear has kept me bound,
But Jesus breaks the bonds of fear.

Afraid to live my life,
But Jesus gives me  life eternal.

Scared to go outside of my comfort,
But Jesus is my Comforter.

Tormented by my past,
But Jesus gave me life anew.



She quickly dressed in a navy wrap around dress and applied make-up and curled her hair. Millie was about to knock on Paul’s door when it suddenly opened. Jumping back from the surprise, they were both startled to see the other standing in the now open doorway.

“What are you doing... are you coming with me? Please say yes!” With the excitement on Paul’s face, Millie knew even with her doubts she could not refuse him.

“Yes, I am coming with you, if that is OK?” Millie looked up at him through her eyelashes and gave him a little smile.

“OK? My goodness Millie, it has been my dream for weeks now.” Paul pulled her into a tight embrace and lowered his lips to hers letting her know exactly how much she meant to him. When they broke their embrace Paul said, “I love you Millie, and today you are making me so happy.”

Millie could only smile up at him. She had abandoned her hoodie once again and this time did not wear anything she would be able to hide inside. Paul noticed the lack of her favorite accessory, yet did not say anything to bring attention to the missing cloak.

When they arrived at church, Paul lead her to the Sunday School class he taught. It was mostly filled with people that attended the church and were also a part of the online community that she had become a part of over the past several months.

The group was excited to see and finally meet her, putting an online name to a face. Yet, they also were respectful of not making a big deal out of her attendance. Not because they knew of her fear, but because they had all been there once too.

Coming for the first time after only knowing someone online can be difficult. You already have an opinion of them formed in your head, yet meeting them in person can often shift the illusion that you have crafted. Some, in a positive way, others in a not so positive light.

Millie remained quiet during the entire Sunday School class as Paul spoke on John 3: 16-17;

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him"

Paul began the discussion, and others began adding their thoughts like many of the Virtual Bible Studies Millie had attended.

“I was thinking this past week when I was reading my Bible. Man really screwed up!” Everyone laughed, but Paul pulled them back in, “I mean Adam and Eve had it good in the garden. Then through the course of time, God allowed a do over. He put Noah and his family on a boat and started again.

But, it will never be the same like it was with Adam and Eve. They walked with him and talked with him in the Garden of Eden.” Paul looked around the room. Millie admired how much he turned into a preacher at that moment and wondered if she would be able to see a difference when he led the Virtual Bible Study as well?

“God made the ultimate sacrifice, he sent his ONLY son to us as a baby. Jesus, the Son of God influenced more lives than any other man that has ever walked on Earth. Jesus would lay down his life for me, for us, so that we would not be in bondage to sin and darkness. He would offer me eternal life and give me a hope for a life in Heaven. So that I can walk with him and talk with him like Adam and Eve did in the garden.”

Again, Paul looked around the group seated in a circle around the small room, about ten people were in attendance today. “I ask you what do you do to share God’s love, acceptance and forgiveness with others?”

“Well,” said the person Millie had become to know as WickedWarrior, “The other day I was shopping for groceries and I saw this lady with three kids, I saw that they did not have much and that she was buying things like bologna, hot dogs, noodles and peanut butter. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not, but I felt like I needed to do something. I quickly went around the store and threw a chicken, stuffing, vegetables, cookies, some frozen pizzas and hamburgers and anything else I could think of that I thought they might like. I found her leaving the store as I checked out. I rushed to the parking lot with my hands full of bags and I handed them to her. I smiled and said, ‘Jesus loves you.’ And I turned around and went back into the store to do my shopping before she could say anything. I’ve never done anything like that. And I didn’t want any credit for it. I just wanted to show God’s love.”

“That is a very good example. We should do what we can to help those in need.” Paul looked around the room again, “Anyone else?”

A woman that Paul told Millie was Goldielocks said, “I went up a few weeks ago to north Georgia where the tornadoes hit. I spent all day passing out water and sandwiches to the families that were trying to clean-up the damage. It felt so good to give love to those in need.”

“That is awesome. Maybe there is something we can do as a group. Adopt a classroom, church or community and help them with supplies. We could also go up on a Saturday or something and help clean and rebuild.” As Paul talked, he became more excited about the suggested project. “Anyone else have something they want to share, or ask for prayer with handling?”

Millie looked down, she had not planned on talking, but suddenly she heard herself saying, “Showing love to those that have wronged you is difficult. I want to forgive, and release it to God, but when I think about it or something happens to remind me, it’s... it’s just challenging.”

Paul was just as shocked as Millie that she spoke up, but he didn’t want to let her know that she surprised him. Instead, he reached out to her and rubbed her back saying, “Yes, it is very burdensome to love those that have wronged us. We can pray for you and for God to help you forgive and surrender it to him. And allow love to come in where anger and hurt has been.”

At the end of the class, the class prayed for Millie and some others that spoke up saying they also had difficulty forgiving and loving people that wronged them. They also prayed for the victims from the recent tornadoes, not only in Georgia, but the many towns and communities that the storm swept through.

Paul needed to go into the Pastoral offices and pray with Pastor Davis before service, so he walked Millie to the sanctuary and showed her where he normally sat and promised to be back within ten minutes.

As Millie sat in church, wishing she had brought her car because her nerves were starting to get to her again. Before they could get the better of her, she felt a tap on her shoulder. “Millie?” She turned around in her seat to find someone from Sunday School that she remember spoke after she did about being afraid to confront someone who had hurt her.

“You know me as His4Life,” she was a petite brunette with short hair and big blue eyes. “I just want to say thank you for speaking out about not being able to love those that have wronged you. I didn’t think I could talk about my difficulty forgiving until I heard you speak and I knew I was not alone. So, I just wanted to say ‘Thank You!’ and tell you welcome to our group.”

Millie could feel the tightening in her throat, she did not want to cry in front of anyone, yet she felt comfortable with this woman she had never met before. “Thank you!” Millie whispered as she squeezed His4Life’s hand.  

Paul came in as Millie was turning back around, he noticed the unshed tears in her eyes. “You OK?” Millie nodded and slipped her hand into his as Sydney walked on stage and everyone stood to begin the service with worship.


At the conclusion of Pastor Davis’ sermon about the Holy Trinity, Millie thought that she had made it and survived without any major problems when they were approached by Sydney. “Millie?”

Millie had only talked to Sydney once online and it wasn’t a very nice conversation. As she remembered it, Sydney told her that she would break Paul’s heart and that he deserved better. Ultimately, it was that chat that caused Millie to leave her apartment to watch Paul preach.

“Hey Syd,” Paul said as he hugged her, “You did great today!”

“Thanks!” Sydney looked at Paul and said, “Daddy wanted to see you and I need to talk to Millie. Do you mind?”

Paul looked over at Millie and squeezed her hand, “Do you mind? It should only take a few minutes.”

“No, go ahead,” Millie said with a weak smile. Sydney intimidated Millie and the relationship she had with Paul did make Millie a little jealous.

Sydney motioned towards the pew that they stood near and Millie sat down giving enough space between her and Sydney.  

“Well, first of all I want to say it is nice to finally meet you.” Sydney smiled and it seemed genuine, which surprised Millie, her ‘Anderson Attitude’ kicked in and she smiled not wanting Sydney to know she was apprehensive about her. “I am honest when I say that I am happy you and Paul are dating. I’m sorry if what I said to you upset you, but please,” Sydney looked at Millie with truthfulness in her eyes and Millie believed her, “he has been my best friend since college and I did not want to see him hurt. I was only trying to protect him.”

“I understand.” Millie said, “I want you to know that I will never hurt him intentionally. I do love him.”

“I know you do. And that is why I wanted to talk to you privately. I also spoke to Paul several times. I was concerned...”

“I know, he told me you were leery of me because we met online, and I expressed to him that I would do the same thing.”

“Then, no hard feelings?”

“None.” Millie smiled a genuine smile at Sydney, because what she said was the truth, she would warn a friend if the roles were reversed.

“Friends?” Sydney asked with a smile.

“Friends!”

“And if you ever need to know anything about Paul, just ask.” They stood to leave, but Sydney turned back to Millie, “Ask him about the voice mail...”

Millie smiled and said, “I know, ‘Let the dumb’,” Millie cleared her throat not wanting to say a curse word, “‘speak’.”

Sydney started laughing, then she said as she saw Paul approaching, “Then ask him about his aversion to Fig Newtons!”

“Oh, that sounds good!” Millie said as Paul reached her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and put his head on her shoulder.

“What sounds good?” Paul asked.

“Oh nothin’, just some girl talk.” Sydney said with a sly smile.