Unexpected lovers [Lauren/You]

Chapter 22

I sit down quietly, making sure that I don't make a sound, it's always so quiet here but so sad at the same time. I stare at his name on the grave as I try to picture his face, it's been so long since I last heard him say "you're my sunshine" to me, it's been hard, but it's getting harder when the years go by. I am married but my brother wasn't here to see it, I have a little baby girl and a son that I have yet to meet but my brother will never get the chance to know how it is to be an uncle.

You wanna know what I think Tay? I think that time doesn't even exist, we made it up because we are so insecure about ourselfs, we want to know and control everything. But we can't, that's not how it works. And my age? It's not really my age, how do they know how old I am? Or how hard I can fall for someone? They can't they don't.

I could be a million years old but the time that the people before us choose for us will tell me that I am not. I don't buy it though, because sometimes I see or feel things that are way too familiar to me. Maybe that's why I don't believe in time, maybe that's why I believe that we spend an eternity in this world. Not 80 or 90 years but eternity. So I hope, I really hope that she is ready to spend forever next to me, without time controling us.

You know Tay I stay awake at night sometimes thinking about life, about you, about Lauren, about everything. I woke up today in the middle of my sleep with this weird feeling inside my chest, I drove all the way down here just to sit and stare, just to sit in front of you on this clear night. What do you think Tay? Is she the one? Did you send her my way? Is that why she is here? Is that why I feel so damn happy when I see her.

I love her, I love her but I can't have her right now and the thought of that is killing me. I remember it like it was yesterday when you woke me up one night because your girlfriend was stuck inside your mind, you kept talking about soulmates and I was laughing at you, but when I think about it now you were right.

We are all a lost soul traveling around the world in search for our missing puzzle, for the other part of the soul that was once torn apart. Everything inside me screams that I found her, but I am afraid, I am afraid of the things that tomorrow will bring. It feels so good to hold her that I am afraid of the day that I won't be able to do it.

Nobody knows, nobody knows how it feels to stare at her in two am in the morning when you have to leave so you won't get caught. Nobody knows how much it hurts when another picture of her with him comes out, nobody knows how much I wish that his hands were mine. Nobody knows how much I crave her, how much I need her, how much I care. Nobody sees us when our hands are locked together, our hearts beating as one as we stay in front of the doors not ready to let go of one another but we don't have a choice.

Nobody knows how it feels to let go when all you want to do is hold on. Taylor I miss you, I miss you and I need your advice, I need a sign that will tell me if I should give up on us or keep on dreaming and hoping that one day we'll be able to be together happily.

I know, I know that you shouldn't give up on the person you love, but the fact that she stays with him and lays down in bed with him every single night is slowly burning my heart. I want to be the one laying behind her, holding her close to me. I want to be the one seeing her grow along with our baby, I want to see her first grey hair and tell her that she still looks beautiful.

I want to watch my child grow next to her, I want to teach him how to walk and talk, I want to be able to pick him up when he falls, I want to be there when a girl or boy hurts him for the very first time. Because I know that the first cut is the deepest and I want to be there for him, I want to offer him a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen.

I want to be there when they'll both be crying because the dog or fish we bought him for his sixth birthday passed away. I want to be there for her when she'll be crying on his wedding while he'll be dancing through the night with his wife and I'll be holding his mother close to give her some sort of comfort.