Irresistible

Chapter eleven

A few weeks pass, everything is the same but Nathaniel has grown more touchy with me. I don't mind because he is my best friend. He stays in my room now when I have to change, of course I leave my undergarments on. He helps me decide what to wear and what looks cute or not. He has been staying over my apartment and I've been over his. He dropped the girl he was talking to because he said he didn't care to talk to her any longer which made me happy for some reason. We cook together. Or should I say Nathaniel cooks and I attempt to help out. I usually end up washing all the dishes as he stands beside me. We talk more about our future and life goals. We went out to breakfast with my mom and dad. We basically do everything together. Everything is awesome. Tonight, nathaniel is coming over so I get my place ready. Actually, I'm not gonna do anything. I don't need to. I get in some black booty shorts, long socks and a white v-neck shirt. I just let my hair down since it decided to listen and stay calm. I have problems with my hair being frizzy. I look fine. Well, decent. After looking myself in the mirror, I hear a knock on my door. Its probably Nathaniel. I skip to the door and open it.

"Whats good?" I stand aside so he could come in.

"Damn, you." He looks at my outfit. "You look cute all lazy."

I begin to blush and go into the kitchen.

"Why thank you." I hand him a water bottle and walk in front of him. He pulls me back to him with hands. Both of his hands are on my hips bringing my back towards him. His hands begin to lower and I start to panic.

"Come on! Let's chill." I play it cool and get out of his grip. Nathaniel smirks and sits down my couch before me. I sit down first, my feet are on his thighs. We're watching Dexter. Nathaniel kept asking if Dexter is going to die in the end. I told him he just has to keep watching and he will find out. We're almost done which is sad because I love this show. Nathaniel takes the bag of chips off the coffee table and puts them between us so we could share. Half way through the episode, Nathaniel decided to take the chips away from me and onto his lap.

"Can I please have some?" I ask him. He looks at me and shakes his head no. "Nathaniel! Give me some chips."

"Nope!" He pops the p. I frown. "The rest is mine!"

"No way! Give me some homeboy!" I try to reach for them but he pulls them away further. I glare at him and he smirks. I get up on my knees on the couch and reach over. I'm practically on nat when he drops the bag and pulls me onto his lap. His large hands are holding me in place so I don't get up. I'm straddling his body. One of his hands slowly goes up my body to my chin as the other one pulls me closer to him. Chest to chest. Faces only an inch away. I'm memorised by his eyes and pulled in by lust. His eyes look down to my lips. His hand that was on my chin makes its way to my lips touching them softly and slowly. Touching the bottom of my lip before they are replaced with Nathaniel's plump lips. Im taken by surprise but also kiss back. My hands go from his chest to his face, bringing him more into the kiss. My heart's on fire, his lips feel so soft as he kisses me gently. I yearn for this moment. My body feels ignited. His hand that was once touching my face is now removing my hair from my neck. Nathaniel stops kissing me then goes to my neck and continues there. He nibbles on the smooth skin and sucking gently. He leaves wet kisses on my neck, he's so good at this. His other hand that was holding me in place is now lowering to my butt which makes me begin to grind. Creating friction between us makes Nathaniel toss his head back in satisfaction. He brings it back up and continues to kiss me. I'm taken back by the pleasure and let a moan slip from my mouth, hoping Nathaniel didn't hear it. But unfortunately that didn't happen.

"Fuck, I want to hear more of that." He said under his tongue. I don't stop grinding because it's bringing us both pleasure. I feel as if I'm melting into his hand. He's got a good grip on me and I have no control. He continues at my neck, surely giving me another love bite. This time he bites a bit harder making me whimper. I keep my hips rotating, trying to get closer to him. Nathaniel then lifts me up just to get on top of me. His arm supports my back as he lays me down on the couch. His lips never breaking contact with my neck. He brought his hips to mine, I tried to create friction but he didn't allow it. He took control. Something in me must of snapped because right then and there I clicked back to reality. This is my best friend that I am doing this with. What am I doing?

"Nathaniel stop, please." I try to push him off. He stops kissing my neck and gets off. Him and I are out of breath. He shifts to the other side of the couch and rubs his face with both hands. I wrap my arms around my legs and cover my face. Still trying to catch my breath, I open my eyes and look at Nathaniel. He slowly looks up at me with precaution. 

"I'm so sorry." He apologises silently. I dont know what to say. I dont want him to apologise. Why the hell did I stop this? Instead of answering, my eyes go down to his pants and see what I did to him. I guess he noticed and covered it with a pillow. I begin to blush. I turned him on? I - out of all people, turned him on? He definitely did to me but I, to him? Whoa.

"Don't apologise, I'm sorry for stopping it. I didn't want to stop, I just -" I pause. "I didn't know where it was going to lead." I explain. He runs his fingers through his hair and nods. Great. I didn't want this but I don't know where it would have gone. Would we have sex or just regular hooking up? Whatever it was, I was worried. When our breathing became regular, we sat down and continued watching tv. After a couple of minutes I look over at Nathaniel. I wanted to apologise.

"Nathaniel, are you upset with me?" I roll up my legs to my chest. He looks over at me as if I'm crazy.

"No of course not. Why would I? If you didn't want to then I'm not going to force something you don't want to do." He says then puts his head back on the couch. I look up at him.

"It's not that I didn't want to, if we were going to do anything, it would be my first time and I -" I start but get cut off.

"You're a virgin?" He lifts up his head and looks at me with disbelief. I whisper a yes while looking at my hands in my lap.This is embarrassing.

"You're kidding." He chuckles a bit. But then realises I'm serious. "But the way you were grinding.. you were moving your hips so" he paused trying to find the word. "Good."

I try to hold back the blush. "If you're going to make fun of me I'm not going to have it, Nathaniel." I cross my arms.

"No, no! I just thought you and brandon did.. something.." He fades out. I shake my head no and continue to look at my hands.

"I thought you guys did. I hoped not and I'm glad you guys didn't do anything." He rubs the back of his head.

"No. He wanted to but I felt like doing something with him wouldn't - I don't know, feel right I guess? I mean - since I am, you know.. I take this seriously. I don't think he cared much about me either."

"Well, losing your virginity isn't that big of a deal right? Again I say, I am happy you didn't do anything with that loser but it's not a big deal losing it with someone you trusted." He says. "Would you consider doing it with someone you're close with and trust fully?"

I sit there silently for a moment. He looks at me, waiting for me to answer. "I don't think I am ready." I whisper then look up at him. He smiles which makes me look away.

"you're twenty and not ready?" His smiles grows.

"Don't be rude! How old did you lose it? 16 or 17? I was thinking about my future then. I always thought being in a loving relationship when I would lose it. I always thought to lose it to my boyfriend that I love, to make it worth losing it. I just haven't found that one person, yet. I'm not going to sleep with just anyone. When I was with Brandon, he tried to pressure me to have sex. I never liked using the term sex during the first time having it. I would use making love. Sex sounds like - like you're just being used." I bite my lip. "I know I sound so up tight or that I have high standards but that's what I pictured."

Nathaniel runs his hand through this hair and nods.

"I understand. I didn't know that. I honestly like how you are so conservative about this, you're old fashion. Do you care if your boyfriend at the time is a virgin or does he have to be?" Nathaniel looks at me, anguish to know the answer. I bite my lip thinking about the question he just asked me.

"I personally would want him to be a virgin so we could be like, the same but at least he loves me and cares for me then that would be fine."

"Would you ever do it with a friend?"

"I had someone else in mind." I speak the truth.

"Who did you have in mind?" He asked. I stood quiet looking at him. I don't want to answer that because if I could choose anyone, it would be him. I trust Nathaniel enough for him to take my virginity. Even if we weren't in a relationship. I trust him.

"Um, just someone." I say instead of giving a name. He respected it and left it alone which I was grateful for. I don't know how he would react if I told him. I wouldn't want him to be creeped out or anything because that would be really bad.