A Rose as Black as your Heart

(43) How We Let Go

Chapter 43

“Do I have to go to school?” I asked Matt on Thursday morning, staring unseeingly at my slice of cold toast in front of me. I hadn’t touched my breakfast, but for some reason I wasn’t at all hungry.

“Yep; next question?” Matt dropped his bag on the table next to me and stole a slice of my toast.

“Why?”

“Because Mom would kill me.” He opened the fridge and began rummaging around. “And you have exams after Christmas.”

“Exactly – I need rest.” Even though resting today really wasn’t what I had in mind.

“It’s holidays in two weeks.” Matt turned to look at me with narrowed eyes, holding the nearly empty carton of orange juice. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I pushed my toast away from me. “If I promise to use this day for good, can I please stay home? Mom doesn’t have to know.”

“Seriously, Lex, what’s wrong?” When I turned to look at him, Matt cocked an eyebrow at me expectantly and swigged some orange juice from the carton.

“Don’t do that,” I said automatically. He rolled his eyes. “Can I practice stabbing some demons?”

Matt almost joked on his juice. He put down the carton, wiping his mouth. “Why?”

“Just because.” My finger traced the swirling pattern of the wooden table.

“Hmm.” Matt put the juice carton back in the fridge, a slight frown on his face. “Oh. Is it Daniel’s Initiation soon?”

I stood up from the table. “Don’t put the carton back in the fridge, Matt, that’s gross.” As I picked it up and shook it, it didn’t make a sound. “And it’s empty, dumbass.”

Matt ignored my commentary. “Seriously, Alexis. Is it soon?”

“Sunday.” I chucked the carton in the bin. “It’s on Sunday.”

“Oh.” Despite the fact he’d made it clear he didn’t approve of Daniel, Matt sounded pitying. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” I snapped, more sharply than I’d intended. “Why is everyone so down? He’s not going to Change.”

Most people accepted my denial – not Matt. “If he’s not going to Change, why do you want to practise stabbing Demons?”

I slammed the fridge shut, hard enough to make the shelves inside rattle. “I’ll be at Daniel’s after school. Don’t wait up for me.”

I heard Matt sigh as I marched out the door, snatching up my bag on the way, but he knew better than to try and talk to me. And, knowing me, I’d probably forget to be mad at him by the time I got back.

A free was a good way to start the day. I sat in the sixth form common room and dug out the diary, flicking to my place. I was getting near the end of it – and then I’d only have one more.

November 12th

The Unchanged Demon I saved his taken to following me whenever I go out. I am starting to become afraid. Every time I am alone (I try to make sure I am not, these days) he attacks me, and I am pretty sure he means to kill me. However, each time I am reluctant to kill him, because despite it all, he is Unchanged.

Leopold and I continue to meet in secret. I’ve grown to treasure the times we have together, more than I do with my own family, some days.

And the strange thing was, I knew just how she felt. With a small wry smile, I turned the page.

November 14th