Mental

61 | s u r p r i s i n g

"Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it's been too long since you missed them last."

— Kristin O'Donnell Tubb

/ / l o u i s / /

"Zayn needs you to take a bath. You stink and you haven't moved since Evelyn left. You have to take care of yourself...and...Zayn will help you."

I don't move. I stay spread out on the floor and look up at the ceiling. What's the point of me taking a bath? If Evelyn was here, I would convince her to take a bath with me. She would wash my back and I would wash hers. We were supposed to make it out of here together. We promised each other we would stick together. We even talked about marriage and children. I couldn't control my actions during the argument. I apologized to her and she still left. I want her back. I need her back. I choke on a sob and cover my face with my hands. Evelyn made me so happy. I'm never going to find someone else who will be with me like she was. I don't want anyone else. Evelyn is irreplaceable.

I can't find another Evelyn.

Zayn sits down on the floor beside me and I feel him constantly pat me on my back, "There, there, Louis, it will be okay. Zayn will make sure of it. Evelyn will be back. Zayn knows it...and...you'll be happy. Everyone will be happy. Stop crying and go take a bath. You stink."

"Please," I beg, my voice shaky. "Leave me alone."

"No."

"Zayn."

"Zayn will not!" he yells. "You helped Zayn when he freaked out and took a hot shower. Now, it is Zayn's turn to help you. Get up!"

"No."

"Up! Up! Up!"

"No."

"Get your ass up...uh...bitch, yeah?" I look at him and he drops his head. "Zayn is sorry." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He's only trying to help me. There isn't a need for me to be mad at him. I can't be mad at him. If he leaves, I'll be alone again. I 'll die if I'm alone again. I can't be alone...I'll lose my mind.

"It's okay," I say, my eyes still closed.

"Zayn wants you to be happy. He does not want Louis to be sad. Evelyn probably just needed to go for a walk. Do you need to go for a walk? Zayn will go with you."

I smile slightly, "Maybe we'll find her if we go for a walk?"

"No!" he shouts. "Evelyn needs space and so do you. She...She is not your walking buddy." I throw him a look. "Zayn is!" I exhale and stand up. He's only trying to help and I might as well let him. Going for a walk and getting some fresh air doesn't seem too bad. Zayn smiles when he sees me in standing position and he claps his hands. "Maybe we can find some food? Zayn is hungry. His tummy is speaking to him."

"Well, what is it saying?" I ask.

He imitates the sound of his stomach growling.

"Let's go, then," I say. "Maybe we'll find something to eat while we're out on our walk."

Zayn shakes his head, "No."

"No?"

"You stink," he points out. "Zayn wants you to go take a shower." I roll my eyes and walk out of the room to go to the bathroom. I place my hand on the doorknob and press my forehead against the door. My lips part and I slowly shake my head. I can't do this. My bottom lip trembles and I hiccup.